Sins of the Father
by Emmaficready
Summary: 9 Months after the end of the war, a destitute Severus Snape, practically living rough, gets news that will change his life forever. Severus Snape Lives! / POST DH / EWE WARNINGS: Abuse, Neglect, Character Death, Rape, Sensitive/taboo topics.
1. Chapter 1

_9 Months after the end of the war, a destitute Severus Snape, practically living rough, gets news that will change his life forever._

_Severus Snape Lives! / POST DH / EWE _

_Eventual HG/SS _

_**WARNINGS: Abuse, Neglect, Character Death, Rape, Sensitive/taboo topics.**_

* * *

The ministry scroll had arrived with a stressed looking post owl and he looked at it with distaste as it perched on the dusty window of his shabby bedsit. The bedsit was on the wrong side of Diagon Alley, not quite knockturn but not at all 'family friendly' either. It wasn't quite light, and it wasn't quite dark. And since Severus wasn't accepted freely on either side of the divide, this tenuous no-man's land suited him just fine. Even if he often longed for the comfort of his once chambers at Hogwarts.

His house had been 'conveniently' burned to the ground near the end of the war during his tenure as headmaster. At the time, the loss of his house had barely rankled him, it was a pit of bad memories to begin with, but the loss of many of his books...stung. After the ending of the war, and after his surprising survival and subsequent Azkaban stay, he'd eventually been pardoned of all crimes due to his position as a spy but they failed to exonerate him from the measures put in place to restrict the 'activities' of all who were known to tread on the darker side of things.

For 'public comfort and safety' he was not allowed to return to his job as teacher, which had also stung. Though reviled by the students for his attitude, he was a damn good teacher, and Hogwarts potion scores had never been higher and potions related injuries lower, than when he was at the helm. Minerva would've had him back, but the board went over her head, and he was too proud to ask her to fight for special favours. They had been close, but the rift between them from his year as headmaster was still holding them both back. Neither quite knew what to say to the other. So when the ministry seized more than just the lion's share of his gold to go towards 'reparations', he refused to go cap in hand to the Gryffindor matriarch. She had enough problems rebuilding something resembling a functioning school from the tatters she was left behind by Dumbledore and Voldemort.

It had been the bright idea of the ministry, to restrict former death eaters and dark sympathisers, that were not dead or in Azkaban, to menial and low level work. The amount of money they could earn was also restricted. The idea was to keep dark sympathisers from rising to positions of power, though the reality was it created a cheap work force, bordering on slavery. Or where that failed, the witches and wizards conveniently fell from the radar and into destitution. Out of sight, out of mind and either situation was a win for the ministry.

So between his current situation, and his _wonderful_ Azkaban stay courtesy of the same people, whatever the ministry had to say, he very much doubted he wanted to know. However the urgent hooting from the owl, along with anxious wing flaps made him raise his eyebrow and take possession of the official scroll.

The owls that witches and wizards used were not ordinary owls of course, and they often could sense things in a similar way to kneazles and other magical familiars could. Whatever it was contained within, it was clear from his manner that this owl was not just another affronted beast of burden, offended by Severus's lack of interest in the message it was conveying. This bird was not going to be content to leave once he removed the letter from it's person, uncaring if he incinerated the thing as long as he removed it from the owl to allow it to get on with its daily business. No, this owl clearly and urgently _wanted_ him to actually read that scroll. Since Severus took more stock in the instincts of the bird, than he would of most members of the ministry, he accepted the official parchment (unlike he usually would with the usual ministry fare) and put it on his 'to read' pile on the side table, rather than the much more frequented 'ignore' pile, otherwise known as the bin.

He was once more shocked when the owl continued to hoot at him, when he did not read the parchment right away. Realising he was not going to get any peace until he read said parchment, he opened it with a flourish and brought it to his eyes with a snarl "Here you go daft bird, I'm reading it, now you...can...". His words trailed off, as the colour drained from his face. The owl gave a sad hoot when he collapsed onto his raty bed, still clutching the missive in his hand, yet not quite believing what it had to say.

The form was long winded, and a standard ministry one. The magic that powered these forms was the same sort of automatic and old magic charm as the Hogwarts book of names, automatically generated at the time of the event without the need of a caster. It was the same sent to all who received it, with the specific details penned onto the empty lines. And it was those specifics, hastily and uncaring words scrawled that were making his stomach knot as he read every one with a building amount of nausea.

* * *

**oOo**

_**Official Notification of Change of Guardianship.**_

_**Addressee: **__Master Severus Tobias Snape_

_**Date Commencing: **__10:39am, May 2nd_

_The aforementioned person is now named the sole and legal guardian of the child(s) detailed below._

_**...**_

_**CHILD ONE**_

_**Name:**__ N/A - un-named_

_**Sex:** Male _

_**Born:**__19:59 May 1st._

_**Mother:**__ Alice Avery nee Dogworth (deceased)_

_**Father:**__Severus Tobias Snape_

_..._

_**This change is due to:**_

_**...**_

_( ) Mutually agreed change of guardianship_

_( ) Incarceration of the previous guardian_

_( ) Neglect / Failure to adequate provide care by the previous guardian_

_(__**x**__) Death of the previous guardian_

_( ) Other_

_Master Severus Tobias Snape__ As the new legal guardian of U__n-named Male Child__ you are henceforth from this date, solely responsible for all aspects of care and well-being of the aforementioned child(s), until which point they reach their majority. If at any point it is reported to the Ministry that you fail to provide adequate care, the child(s) may be removed from your custody and placed into the care of another ministry approved family, should one not be available, the child(s) will be removed into a Ministry Approved Care Facility._

**oOo**

Severus Snape, was a father.

* * *

Please leave me a review, and let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

_Master Severus Tobias Snape__ As the new legal guardian of U__n-named Male Child__ you are henceforth from this date, solely responsible for all aspects of care and well-being of the aforementioned child(s), until which point they reach their majority. If at any point it is reported to the Ministry that you fail to provide adequate care, the child(s) may be removed from your custody and placed into the care of another ministry approved family, should one not be available, the child(s) will be removed into a Ministry Approved Care Facility._

**oOo**

_Severus Snape, was a father._

* * *

He was a father.

A single father at that. He'd no idea Alice was even pregnant, for that matter he'd no idea she'd even survived the battle. Frankly he hadn't cared. They were not lovers, not by a long-shot. Their one and only tryst had been a few days before the final battle. A public spectacle at a Revel for his punishment, and the Dark Lord's behest. Alice, who had a personality like a young Bellatrix had been more than willing, _he had not._

Severus had never planned to be a father, had never gone as far as to dare dream that there would ever be a witch in his life willing to carry him his heir. Especially not now. He was broke, living in a dingy bedsit with no reputation or money to speak of, but if there was one thing that Severus was, it was _loyal._ The magic that generated these scrolls was infallible. If the scroll said he was the father, then he was the father. And thinking of the dark lord he shuddered, he would be damned if he let his child grow up in a _"Ministry Approved Care Facility". _They may not be muggle orphanages, but they were disgusting and desolate places that bred monsters. He donated a lot of money to them when he was teaching, to try and improve the lives of the squibs and abandoned children therein, though what good it did them he didn't know.

Steeling himself, he noted the address provided on the ministry scroll and he apparated. The flat he arrived at was in a rough part of muggle London, not far from Diagon Alley. He knocked on the door, but there was no answer, and he could hear no noise from inside.

_Where were the ministry representatives? Where would they have taken him?_

A quick scan with his wand showed there were no wards or traps to speak of and a _homenum revelio_ showed there was only one _small_ life inside.

_His son._

_His son was alone in there._

Without thinking, wand forgotten and stepping back to his muggle and impoverished northern roots, he kicked the door in. The smell assailed him then, and he covered his nose and staggered back momentarily.

_Booze. Shit. **Death.**_

The small flat was no better than his dingy bedsit, and as he stepped into the living space, the cause of the rank stench became apparent. The body of Alice Avery was laid prone on the dirty tiled floor of the small greasy kitchenette. There were broken booze bottles (stolen, by the look of the muggle plastic security devices still attached) and she was in a congealing pool of her own blood. It looked like she'd drank herself into a stupor and then slashed her wrists, though not before vomiting allover herself, and if the smell was to be believed, shitting herself. _Lovely. _Combined with the coppery scent of blood it had him grimacing in distaste as he fought not to become reacquainted with his meager could barely afford to eat, so he most definitely couldn't afford to be sick.

The blood was tacky, and it was clear she'd been dead for at least a few hours. He hadn't expected her to still _be_ here, after all it was the Ministry's job to collect her body as she had no living relatives to deal with her. Though clearly the Aurors had decided they had better things to do than travel to the arse end of muggle London to collect the corpse of a dead death eater, instead choosing to leave her here to rot. No one would miss her, and no one would care. She'd be just another anonymous transient that the muggle council would eventually deal with when the encroaching smell of decomposition became too much for her muggle neighbours.

Another noise had his attention firmly back on his son, when he took in the body of Alice with dawning horror. The parchment had said that he was the legal guardian from 10:39 am that morning, from the time of her death. His son had been born the day before. It was clear she'd spent the majority of the night consuming vast amounts of alcohol before bleeding to death from her self inflicted wounds. But it was now nearly 3pm in the afternoon, him having received the scroll some 20 minutes earlier. That meant as the ministry had not cared to attend Alice's body...his _newborn_ son had been alone for at least 4 and half hours in the house with the corpse of his mother. And judging by the bender she'd been on, he'd been without care for Merlin knows how many hours before that.

He dashed into the small bedroom, and was met with the sight of a pale and dirty infant in the centre of the small shabby bed, amidst all the child-birthing mess that was still marring the sheets. He didn't seem to have the strength to cry, but was whimpering and moving his arms sluggishly.

Heedless of the filth coating him all over his small body, Severus gently picked the unwashed babe up. He got a pained whimper at first that made him slightly panic, though when he realised it was because the baby could not support his own head, he quickly adjusted his grip and cradled him to his chest like the delicate little thing that he was.

"It's alright" He said. It wasn't of course, but he couldn't tell this little thing that and he didn't know what else to say, so he said it again. "It's alright"

He was cold, his skin looked dry and red under the mess, he was shivering and his lips were slightly blue, so Severus brought him closer, trying to share his own body warmth, under his outer robes. Too afraid to cast any spells on the tiny delicate human.

There was a tatty book on the bedside table, a bloody and smudged hand-print on the cover suggesting Alice had grabbed for it some time after the birth, so gingerly sitting on the edge of the bed and still cradling his son, he grabbed it and flicked through. Giving himself something to do while his shocked mind caught up with his body, as tremors routinely shook through him.

It was clearly some sort of journal, thoughts and ramblings of the more than just half mad woman. Though it was the last few entries that caught his eye. It showed she'd been looking forward to the birth of the child, as much as a half mad woman can, hoping that when she birthed her husbands heir, she would be accepted and offered asylum by his estranged family. Though she was a violent psychopath, Severus conceded that she had loved her husband in her own way, his death would've destroyed her. His family however, who Severus recalled had remained passive throughout the war, had snubbed her and not wanted to associate with her after his death, not wanting to be tied to the dark arts and a crazy ex-death eater. For whatever reason, when he was born she'd realised the child wasn't her husbands, and fallen into desolation and the results were currently laid out on the kitchen floor, making Severus wish for something to cover his nose.

He looked at the child and debated what to do, he thought about anonymously dropping him off with some childless, rich wizarding family. Infertility was rife in the pure-blood families after centuries of marriages to cousins...and in some cases even closer relations. _Like the Carrow twins_. He shuddered. Some pure-blood family, struggling to conceive would see a newborn magical male child as a gift from Merlin. They would ask no questions. Unwed teenage mothers often did the same thing, as single motherhood was still very frowned upon in wizarding society. They could give him a _good_ life. Even muggles perhaps? There were many childless muggles desperate to adopt babies, and when the boy no doubt showed signs of magic, he would attend Hogwarts as a muggleborn unmarred by familial associations with ex death eaters.

But when small eyelids fluttered open for the first time in his presence, Severus instantly knew _exactly_ how Alice had realised this was not her husbands son.

As Severus stared into a pair of jet black eyes, identical to his own, all thoughts of this child ever being anonymous, or_ wanted_ by anyone, were struck from his mind. With those eyes, it would be clear to anyone who his father was. And no one wanted to raise the child of a death eater. As Alice had made clear, not even another death eater. Let alone the son of the man who murdered Albus Dumbledore. His son would be just as ostracised as he was. Because he was _his_ son.

"It's just me and you then, little man" he said softly. And sat in the dingy flat in muggle London, covered in blood, shit and filth, wearing his only pair of robes he held his newborn son, and wept.


	3. Chapter 3

_As Severus stared into a pair of jet black eyes, identical to his own, all thoughts of this child ever being anonymous, or wanted by anyone, were struck from his mind. With those eyes, it would be clear to anyone who his father was. And no one wanted to raise the child of a death eater. As Alice had made clear, not even another death eater. Let alone the son of the man who murdered Albus Dumbledore. His son would be just as ostracised as he was. Because he was his son._

_"It's just me and you then, little man" he said softly. And sat in the dingy flat in muggle London, covered in blood, shit and filth, wearing his only pair of robes he held his newborn son, and wept._

* * *

He shook the tears off after a while, when the baby in his arms pressed closer to his chest with a whimper. Inhaling deeply, letting out a noise of frustration and growling at himself for the foolishness and uselessness of his tears, he set his thoughts to action.

Taking stock of his surroundings, he wondered where to begin. There were a few shabby looking baby items, most had tags on them showing they'd either been purchased (or stolen) from a muggle charity shop.

There was a worn old preloved baby blanket, sitting as yet unused by the bed. She'd obviously bought it in preparation for the baby but then decided not to use it, when she realised the child was Severus's and not her husbands. He fought another constricting pain in his chest at the thought of his child laying there cold and unwanted, because of who his father was. He was causing his son pain and suffering before he'd even met him. "I'm sorry" He whispered to his whimpering son. "I'm so so sorry my son".

He picked the blanket up, and gingerly wrapped it around his son, despite the mess covering the babe. His impressive mind was drawing a blank, having never dealt with young babies or their needs before, especially not newborns.

_What does he need? Think Severus think!_

Muggle hospitals were out of the question, they'd take one look at him and the child would be in the care service and he'd be a guest of her majesty' prison service. Especially with no form of muggle identification, and the ministry imposed restrictions on his wand. Attempting to cast any kind of confundus or obliviate on muggles would have Aurors down on him in an instant to drag him back to Azkaban. No, the muggles were not an option. They'd take one look at him, his whipcord thin frame and his tattered clothes and think he was some smacked out addict.  
St. Mungo's was also out of the question, death eaters and their ilk were no longer entitled to free health care like the rest of the wizarding world, besides even if he could afford the cost, he couldn't take the risk that they would likewise take his son from him, accusing him of neglect... only to bundle him off to a monstrous care facility with even worse prospects. No, that was not an option either.

He had never dreamed of being a father, but as he looked at the whimpering bundle in his arms a fierce protectiveness rose in him. This was _his_ son. _His Son. _And nobody would take him away from him.

_He needs food. And care and love. _The thought popped into his mind.

Well, he could at least provide the last one. He pressed a kiss to the child's head as he paced, the gesture was foreign to him, but instinct guided him as he spoke in soothing low tones to the whimpering baby.

_Why is he not crying? Babies cry, don't they? Is he sick?_

Severus looked him over, his lips were no longer blue as he had warmed in Severus's arms and he was moving more freely than when he'd first arrived now that he'd warmed up. He gently felt the boy's skin, and it was indeed dry and pinched.

_He's dehydrated, he needs food, but what? How?... Bottles!_

Hunting around the room, his new mission fuelling his motion, still cradling the boy against his chest, he went on the search for a baby bottle. A few frantic minutes later, it was clear there was none to be found.

_I need bottles and...milk? or is it formula? How do I know which he needs?_

There was another whimper from the boy, and what sounded like a small burp, before he started whimpering louder and fidgeting, which made some filth rub off onto Severus's robes.

_H__e needs to be cleaned that's for sure. _He thought with a wince. The boy was covered in all manner of birthing mess. He gingerly took in his son's stomach, noting the remains of the umbilical also still somewhat attached.

_They're meant to cut these off right? But where? How? I don't want to hurt him. He needs bathing, but his skin's dry and sore under this mess... what do I use? What If I get the water too cold and give him a chill? or too hot and hurt him? Can I use soap? What if it irritates his skin?_

There was certainly no way he could bathe him at his bedsit. Unable and unwilling to afford the cost of the bills, the gas had been shut off, and without the use of constant heating charms the water only ran cold. He hadn't cared, his Azkaban stay had ensured that Severus did not care to shower ever again, and instead would just wash himself in cold water from the sink when he became too ripe, and the cheap soap he procured from the muggle supermarket had even made _his_ skin itch, so there was no way he was going to subject his son to that.

A quick foray into Alice's bathroom found nothing of use, and the water was disconnected as well. There were so many things he needed. He vaguely remembered from his childhood, visiting a neighbour with a young child when he was still a small child himself. They had a special bath to put the baby in, a cot for it to sleep in, various bottles and so much more, and they were a poor mill family struggling by on the absolute basics.

Totting up in his head, he thought of the handful of galleons he had to his name, the rent the he was already overdue and with no real way of earning any more money any time soon. Choking back a sob he collapsed to his arse on the floor, sitting with his back pressed against the wall. He cradled the boy to his chest as angry tears made their way down his face, and he hissed through his teeth as he attempted to get his sobs under control.

_This will not do. I cannot stay here and think with the rotting corpse of his mother still in the other room._

Standing, he accio'd whatever baby products he could find, as he searched for anything of use or value. Of which there was of course nothing. He gently placed the boy in the plastic muggle carrier seat and holding it tightly, apparated back to his bedsit.

Looking around the dingy room when he settled, he pressed his forehead gently to his sons.

_This is no better. He deserves better than me, better than this. There's no gas or electric, there's a draught from the walls and I cannot afford the rent I owe nor to feed myself, let alone him._

He needed help. It mortally wounded his pride to go begging, cap in hand to someone, but it was not just him he had to worry about anymore. He could not go to Hogwarts, he wouldn't put Minerva in that position. Anyone he knew from the ranks of death eaters either despised him or were in a similar _or worse_ position than him. Likewise the majority of the order of the phoenix, though accepted the truth of his actions, still saw him as the man that killed Dumbledore and would prefer it if he just disappeared.

_Except._

There was _one._

And he cursed himself of not thinking of her before now.

One who always stood up for him, who saw through the mask he had to wear. Who always treated him with respect, even when at times he didn't deserve it.

One who had fought tooth and nail for his release from Azkaban, when most would've been happy to see him rot.

Wiping his tears, he gathered together what little of the baby things he had found, and searched frantically through the drawer. Finding the piece of parchment he'd been looking for, he checked the address and apparated away from his dingy bedsit, and to the one place he hoped and prayed he'd find the help he needed.


	4. Chapter 4

_Wiping his tears, he gathered together what little of the baby things he had found, and searched frantically through the drawer. Finding the piece of parchment he'd been looking for, he checked the address and apparated away from his dingy bedsit, and to the one place he hoped and prayed he'd find the help he needed._

* * *

He arrived with a crack, in the front gardens of the quiet and quaint little cottage. It was a small village, with only a handful of farm houses, a post office and a small shop. He longingly looked at the gardens of the house, for they'd clearly been planned out thoroughly but were getting a little bit overrun, due to lack of maintenance. _They'd be perfect for potions ingredients._ He thought wistfully. _And that shed would easily be converted to a lab with a few carefully placed extension charms_. The house itself was white, and there was ivy growing up the side, and colourful flowers in a window box. The whole house looked warm and inviting, like it was straight off of a postcard and he could not help but feel like he was so out of place as he stood in his dirty worn robes by the farmhouse door.

Once more the blow to his pride was almost a physical pain, almost enough to make him turn around with a sneer and apparate home. Something stopped him though. Taking one look at the small boy in his arms he knew that there was nothing else for it, bracing himself he stepped forward and knocked on the door. He felt the thrum of her wards around the property when he knocked, strong and impressive. He smirked a little when a cheeky otter patronus popped through the door, and he heard her voice spring forth. "Hello, Who is it?"

"It's me..." He managed to choke out to the otter, unsure of what else to say, yet it was enough for the otter gave him a nod and shot back to it's owner. He was surprised when barely a moment after the otter returned the response to it's sender, the door was opened almost immediately. He was stunned when she smiled at him warmly, and fondly greeted him as she leant against the frame, as though as she was actually pleased to see him.

"Severus! How are you -... " It was then she must have noticed the state of him, and the small burden in the carrier in his arms. Her face dropped and instantly she stepped back with wide eyes, ushering him inside without another word.

"What on Earth? Severus what's going on?" She asked with concern, and he realised that now he was there, in the face of her open concern he just couldn't find the words, so he handed her the parchment that came that morning. She read it quickly, her hand covering her mouth in shock as she took in the words.

"How did she die?" She asked shakily and he answered softly, as he held the carrier with the whimpering child closer. "She killed herself. Her b-body was still there when I...when I went to get him, I had no idea she was even alive, let alone pregnant...we were not close" He hated himself in that moment. For the tremor in his voice, for how it shook.

"Gods Severus" She whispered, as she made her way over to him "Is her body still there?" He nodded, and she sent her patronus off to Potter at work, telling him to boot the aurors up the arse and get them to deal with it.

She approached him, "May I?" She asked, pulling the dingy blanket back to look at the small boys face as he nodded his permission, she gasped "Severus he's filthy! is this?...this is vernix! from the birth! How long was he alone?"

Her wide shocked eyes cut through him, and any pretence he had of holding it together promptly fell apart, much to his utter horror he found himself trembling with restrained emotion as he told her everything.

"_Hours_" He managed to croak out. "When she realised he was _mine_, she drank herself stupid before she killed herself, the ministry didn't send the owl until at least 4 hours after she died"

The boy whimpered and he held the carrier tighter to his chest with a small sob that he tried desperately to contain, and hated himself for being unable to do so. How he loathed himself in that moment.

"I don't know what to _do_" He whispered and his voice shook on the admission. It was painful to admit, especially to her, but he knew of all people she wouldn't judge him. Though that didn't make it much easier. His pride was in tatters and shame rocked his body, but he forced himself to continue. _This is not about you anymore Severus. You must do what you must** for him**_**.**

"I know he needs cleaning, but I was afraid that the water would be too hot or-or too cold, or the soap would make him itch or give him a rash, and his umbilical's too long I think and I-"

"Severus. Calm down" Warm amber eyes met his as her hand settled on his cheek, and he found himself instantly calming and getting lost in her warm gaze. His eyes beseeching her to please, just tell him what to do. Just give him instructions that he could follow.

She saw the desperate need in his eyes, and he saw the Gryffindor resolve in hers and it calmed him somewhat.

"First, let's get him out of that carrier, he's way too young for it and it's not safe for him"

"I'm sorry" He groaned, _barely a father for an hour and he was already hurting his son with his ignorance_,_ Severus you imbecile._

But she quickly cut him off with a soft look and a hand on his arm "It's alright, you didn't know, I'm guessing _she_ bought it?"

He nodded and lifted the boy out of the carrier gently, and Hermione hissed through her teeth when his bottom half was exposed as the blanket fell away.

"He's covered in meconium, did he get any in his mouth or ears?" She asked rather urgently and Severus shook his head. "Severus are you sure?"

"I-I don't think so, this is exactly how I found him, he was still on the bed with all the blood and afterbirth"

She winced once more, then gestured to him. "Come on" She said and urged him to follow her, which he did after taking his shoes off at the door, hoping she wouldn't notice the holes in his socks. There was only so many times clothes could be magically repaired before they gave up the ghost and would disintegrate.

They made their way upstairs into the nursery and she gestured for him to be quiet, as her own child was sleeping in the cot. Rose was sleeping in the middle of a very large and expensive looking carved wooden cot. It was beautiful, and looked bespoke, made out of a delicate white wood and Severus noted purple butterflies decorating one side. She was wearing a plush looking little onesie, and a mobile of magical creatures was revolving above making soft music and light, of which Severus had no doubt was of her own creation. "Try to be quiet, she's a very difficult sleeper"

He nodded mutely. Once more he felt the physical pain in his chest, as shame rose in him, which was becoming frighteningly familiar by this point._ This is what his son deserved, but would never have._ He could never afford to give his son these nice things, he was likely to go to Hogwarts in second hand robes just like Severus himself did. _If I manage not to kill him with my ignorance before then._

"Changing room is through here" She said quietly and he followed her through, to the small warm room. There was a white wooden changing table with drawers on one side, and the other side held another set of drawers that had a large inlaid basin, easily large enough to bath a small child in.

She set the tap running. "This water is charmed for the right temperature, but if yours isn't you test it like this" She dipped her elbow into the water. "It should feel just slightly warmer than you are, not hot or cold alright?" He nodded and she offered him a small smile.

_This was easier. This was is why he came to her, she wasn't judging him or lecturing him, or gods forbid pitying him. Just giving him the facts, plain and simple._

She went to reach for the boy in his arms, but he found some instinct in himself slightly tightening his grasp and leaning back. Instantly she stopped, but instead of being offended as he expected at his reluctance to let go of his son, she smiled at him before he had the chance to apologise. "Do you want to do it?" She asked gently and he, unable to find his vocabulary, just mutely nodded in the affirmative.

Guiding him over to the sink, she encouraged him to lower the baby into the water. "This water is shallow, and the basin is charmed, but you always have to remember that at this age he can't support his own head" She guided his hands until his son was laid in the basin, with Severus's hand supporting his head and neck."A baby can drown in just 3 inches of water" He gulped and nodded, and she let go of his arms. He quickly looked to her with panic in his gaze, but she did not leave him, merely stood to the side with a reassuring smile, so he turned his gaze back to the boy in his arms.

"Use your free hand to cup some water onto him, but avoid his head for now alright? I'll do that this first time"

Once more he nodded, and began to rinse the grime and dirt covering him. She was praising him now, a constant litany of platitudes that he should have found aggravating coming from the know it all, but since her statement about drowning in his heightened state of stress and shock, he only found her words reassuring.

"Wash his hair now, but be very gentle with his head, they're very delicate at this age" She was stood close by him, arm to arm. She was so free with touch, and was constantly touching his back or arm as she spoke, to reassure him and he relished the friendly contact even as he almost wept in shame at the state of himself and his son. He was well aware that his robes were shabby, his hair was greasy and he was probably pretty ripe himself, not having expected any of this to happen this morning, and him having been doing his best to stay clean by just using cleansing charms.

Soothed by the warm water, the baby yawned and stretched, and opened his eyes for the first time since they arrived, and blinked. Hermione instantly cooed to him. "Well_ hello_ handsome" She smiled "look at those beautiful eyes, you look just like your Daddy" She smiled and held his little fist in her hand, running her thumb gently over his hand. Severus's hands shook at her casual acceptance, of both him and his son. She noticed the tremble and looked at him questioningly but he simply shook his head and wouldn't speak, so she rubbed his arm soothingly.

"We should be ok to get a sponge now" She said, and retrieved a luxuriously soft one, from one of the drawers. Severus fought a cringe as he looked at it, mentally totting up what it would cost him to replace. It looked like one of those really posh and expensive ones from some muggle designer outlet, that no doubt cost about £20 for the damn sponge alone. "May I?" She asked and he dutifully nodded, holding on to his son, he allowed her to gently sponge down the mess off the boy's body. "He can't see you clearly yet" She said softly as she worked "But he can hear you, so you should be speaking to him often"

"What do I say?" He asked just as softly, and the boy kicked in response in his arms. "See" She smiled "You must've already been speaking to him, he likes your voice already"

"I-It's alright" He whispered. "You're going to be alright little man"

Hermione smiled in gentle approval, as she carefully cleaned his face and gestured for him to lift the now clean baby as she retrieved a towel. She wrapped the towel around the wriggling boy and brought Severus by her side to the changing table.

"Pop him down here" She said gesturing to the soft padded top. He gently placed his son down, as she gathered a few items from various wooden drawers.

"Now he can't turn himself over yet, but he can roll off the edge if you're not careful-..."

His hand shot out and quickly rested on the boy's belly as if to stabilise him and she chuckled, resting a soothing hand on his back "This table is charmed, but good reactions" He flushed with embarrassment, but she carried on as though she hadn't see. "Never lay him on his front, as he can't hold himself up yet and may suffocate. Always put him on his back, until he's old enough to hold himself up and turn himself around"

She brought out numerous products, and he quickly scanned them trying to take them all in.

"He's got a really bad rash, so I'm going to put some sudocrem on first, alright?"

"What's that?" He asked suspiciously as he looked at the muggle grey plastic tub. She handed it to him with a raised eyebrow and he quickly read the label, before giving it back to her with a nod.

"This is pretty bad" She gestured to the red rash that had been revealed under all the grime they'd removed. "If it doesn't get better soon, you may have to take him to see the doctors"

She lifted his feet and began applying the cream to his bottom, and then laid him back down to do his front as well. "Well this is a first isn't it mister?" she said jokingly as she applied the cream to the boys genitals.

She chuckled when she noticed Severus's face flaming at her words and actions. "Sorry, but you're a parent now. You can't be squeamish about this sort of thing and you've got to be thorough. In a boy a rash like this could easily become an infection in his genitals and that will be really sore and uncomfortable for him, you have to make sure you clean him thoroughly _everywhere_ or even nappy rash can quickly turn into a yeast infection"

He fought his mortification to nod in response and then watched as she talked him through putting on a nappy.

"We need to clip this off" She said then, gesturing to the boys umbilical. "Luckily I kept Rose's" She retrieved the plastic clip from one of the drawers and cast a scourgify, as Severus hovered nervously beside her.

"Are you ok for me to do this?" She asked him his permission.

"Will it hurt him?" He asked, as he looked distrustfully at the piece of plastic.

"He won't feel it, there's no nerves in the umbilical" She assured him and at his nod, she placed the clamp, near the boys navel.

"The rest of the cord needs to come off, there's too much. Do you want to cut it?" She asked, as she produced a pair of sharp scissors which she scourgified once more.

He took the scissors and looked at his son, both longing and fear evident in his gaze. "It won't hurt him?" He asked once again, hating that he needed her reassurance once more. "He won't even feel it, but it needs to be done as its dangerous to leave it too long"

She gestured where for him to cut, and steeling his breath he did so. Only letting it out when the boy continued on none the wiser.

"The rest will dry up and fall off in time, Well done Dad" She said gently and his eyes snapped to hers before quickly dropping the scissors out of the way. She vanished the excess cord they'd cut, and then retrieved a small pale blue outfit from one of the drawers.

"This should fit if you'd like it, its never been worn" She said "Do you mind?"

He shook his head no, and watched as she carefully dressed his son, cooing to him all the while.

"Thank You" He said, the words were resonant and they both knew... it wasn't just the clothes he was thanking her for.


	5. Chapter 5

_"This should fit if you'd like it, its never been worn" She said "Do you mind?"_

_He shook his head no, and watched as she carefully dressed his son, cooing to him all the while._

_"Thank You" He said, the words were resonant and they both knew... it wasn't just the clothes he was thanking her for._

* * *

When he could form words once more, he cleared his throat. "I shall of course pay to replace it"

"You're welcome" She smiled back, but waved off his offer of payment "Someone should use it. No good just sitting in a drawer" and then walked him through the finer points of dressing the boy in the powder blue onesie.

Clean and dressed, she picked him up and expertly cradled him to her chest. The boy began to make the strange noise he heard earlier once more.

"He keeps making that noise" He said worriedly.

"He's got a bit of wind, he could be colicky" She answered, before the boy started making a different noise "But that noise he's making now is because he's grizzling" She said as she supported the boy in her arms, and Severus continued to hover over her.

"Grizzling?" He asked and then blushed fiercely when he noticed his son's movements. "I'm sorry" he said but she waved him off, as his son continued to nuzzle at her breast and she gestured for him to join her on the sofa in the nursery, which he did, gingerly, all too aware of the state of his clothes. His sons hand was flexing against her as he whimpered and nuzzled at her chest.

"Have you fed him at all?" She asked, and there was no accusation or blame in her words. "No...I-I looked, but there was no bottle and I didn't know what to...how to... I was afraid to get it wrong and hurt him or make him sick"

She just nodded and rubbed his arm, "She probably planned on nursing him, its the best for him and the bonus is it costs nothing, which is a plus because at this age pretty much all they do is eat" She joked, and he simply nodded miserably._ I cannot even afford to feed myself properly. _

After looking at him consideringly for a moment she spoke.

"Severus, may I be candid?" She asked gently, as his son continued to wriggle against her. "Of course" He said as he met her gaze, and saw that she looked almost longingly at the boy in her arms.

"I'm nursing Rose, my hormones are all over the place, and in all honesty holding him like this when I know he's hungry is driving me spare, do you mind If I nurse him?"

_She wanted to nurse him? His son? Severus Snape's son? When even his own mother couldn't stand the sight of him?_

"Holding him like this and hearing him grizzle, is already making me let down, so do you mind indulging me?"

"N-no, I mean no I don't mind" He managed to get out with some effort. "N-no, I don't mind at ll. T-thank you. I...Do you want me to leave?"

She waved him off as if it was inconsequential and reached into her shirt and -

_Fucking Merlin!_

He nearly gave himself whiplash, as he turned away so quickly.

"Fucking Hell Granger, warn a bloke" He choked out, too shocked to hold back the Northern accent that the cultured purebloods had taught him to hide. He then instantly regretted using the expletive next to her. _It's like my very presence is toxic, I'm sullying her just by being here next to her._

There was a chuckle from beside him. "Don't worry about it Severus, honestly when you're nursing an infant you just stop caring after a while. Pretty sure I had my boob hanging out when I answered the door to the mailman last week."

His eyes flicked back to his son, then to hers, and saw only amusement in her gaze.

When he looked to his son once more and hastily away again, her face softened and she took pity on him. "There's nothing wrong with wanting to see your son nursing, Severus." She said softly. And he simply swallowed and nodded.

Turning to the babe in her arms,she held her breast in her hand, teasing the nipple against the boys mouth, but she needn't have bothered for he was quick to latch on and even quicker to start nursing.

She chuckled softly. "Straight to the point. There we go little man" She whispered as she cradled the child to her breast. "Looks like you were ready for that"

She was rocking him gently and humming softly. A soft fist landed on her breast and she smiled as she looked down upon him. Severus was awestruck as he watched them both. It was ethereal. She was like Madonna with child.

"There you go little man" she spoke again, and a tear fell on the boys hand and Severus looked to see them rolling gently down Hermione's cheek.

He looked at her questioningly. "Sorry...hormones" She offered him with a watery smile, he thought he saw something else in her expression but it was quickly gone.

Then he reached out tentatively and ran a finger over the chubby little fist, only to gasp when the fist suddenly grasped it and held on tightly.

"Look, he knows his daddy" She whispered to him, and once more he was struck dumb by the whole experience.

He watched as she nursed his son tenderly, and in fascination he reached out to stroke the soft cheek with one finger as the boy fed happily. Feeling the motion of his mouth as he fed. The warmth he felt in that moment, feeling the movement of his son as he fed, watching his little lip and eyes and his cute little nose, already showing signs of his family traits, which almost made him want to apologise to the babe. _Another thing you've burdened the boy with Severus_. After a moment of stroking his sons cheek, he realised just how close he was to certain parts of her anatomy that he really had no business being anywhere near, and when he caught her looking at him with an inquisitive expression, he quickly retracted his hand.

"My apologies-" He began, but she quickly stopped him. "Don't be sorry. I know just how you feel" She said, and her expression showed nothing but honesty. Looking to the overly large cot ,with the sleeping girl in he spoke softly. "Yes, I suppose you do"


	6. Chapter 6

**AUTHORS NOTE: For those of you who read my other fics, you may have seen this note already. But I want to apologise for the long delay in updating Sins of the Father and many of my other stories. I've been in a very dark place over the past few weeks, and it's made it difficult for me to find the energy or the will to write. I hold all of my reviewers and readers in such high esteem that I felt it would be better to wait until I felt more human and perhaps give you a shorter chapter, than give you a longer chapter that was sub par when you've waited so long for it.**

**At times I've been that low over the past few weeks that I was considering things that I haven't in a long time, and it was only the fact that I had promised you all I would leave nothing unfinished, that got me out of bed and stopped me from doing something drastic.**

**So here's the next instalment of Sins of the Father for you all, and I'm sorry again for the delay. **

**But I also want to thank you all for the constant support you give me, especially those who responded to this authors note already on Father Mine and NTSG. It really does mean more than you know to have you all there for me when I need it.**

* * *

_"My apologies-" He began, but she quickly stopped him. "Don't be sorry. I know just how you feel" She said, and her expression showed nothing but honesty. Looking to the overly large cot ,with the sleeping girl in he spoke softly. "Yes, I suppose you do"_

* * *

She nursed him for a while longer, but soon there was soft contented noises coming from the boy, and he finally released her nipple as he became lethargic. Severus fought a blush again, and averted his gaze for a moment while she righted herself with another wry chuckle at his discomfort. She threw a small towel over her shoulder and gently rubbed the young boy's back as she paced the room.

"When he's done feeding, you want to rub his back gently like this, it'll get his wind up and helps to prevent colic. He may spit up a bit, hence the towel, but that's normal, they can gorge themselves a bit sometimes" She said wryly.

Sure enough after a moment there was a soft burp from the baby, along with a small amount of milk which she gently wiped away.

"Here, you want to get him to sleep, then we'll put him down with Rose to settle"

"How do I...?" He asked with a gulp, as he tenderly took his son back into his arms.

"Just...comfort him...show him that you love him" She said softly, as though she was worried how he'd take such an asinine declaration. Yet as he looked at the precious bundle in his arms, he knew he'd have no problem following her orders.

Cradling the boy to his chest, he dropped a kiss upon his head, heedless of having company and began speaking softly as he gently paced the room, rocking him slightly as he walked, just as she had done moments before.

Hermione watched fondly as the stoic man, whispered endearments to the small child that he cradled against his chest, pacing the room so elegantly as he soothed and rocked the boy into slumber. He held him like he was made of fairy glass.

A large yawn cracked the boys face as he settled comfortably into his fathers arms.

Severus sat down gingerly when the boy relaxed into sleep and for the longest time he just sat beside her on the sofa, watching his son sleep in his arms. He didn't know how long they sat there in silence, just watching the boy sleep in his arms, though when he turned to her he noticed she was watching the young boy almost wistfully too, until she met his gaze and offered him a small smile. "Let's put him down now, you look ready to drop yourself" She whispered over the sleeping boy, and his look showed his great reluctance of that idea.

"It's wonderful to hold them while they sleep sometimes, but it's not a habit you want to get into too much, he needs to be able to sleep on his own sometimes, unless you want to try your hand at attachment parenting, but somehow I don't think it'd agree with you" She said with a wry smile.

Nodding he accepted her words, and followed her over to the cot.

"Will she be alright with another baby?" He asked as he took in the fitfully sleeping Rose, not nearly as still as the boy in his arms and noted Hermione gave him a strange look when she met his gaze, making him wonder if he'd committed some unknown faux pas and insulted her child, before she answered."She'll be fine, trust me, there's plenty of space" Hermione assured him as they settled him in the cot beside Rose, and Severus conceded the point once more with a feeling of worthlessness, for it was indeed a large and expensive looking cot.

The boy didn't awaken, and the fussing girl thankfully quieted a little as the sleeping boy was placed next to her. Despite being a few months older, she was not much bigger, if at all. In fact, they were very similar in size. Then again Alice had been tall and he was 6'3. Hermione was 5'2, so he supposed it was little surprise his son was already taller than her daughter.

**oOo**

Looking at the pale man beside her, and the now peacefully sleeping infant beside her own, Hermione made a snap decision. There was no way that he would usually accept charity, she knew that he was too proud for it and she respected his character so much that she wouldn't expect him to, but she could see the devoted father in him. The one who hovered over her, held his new son tight to his chest as though he may be snatched at any moment, and glared daggers at a tub of sudocrem. He would give up everything he is, _or was,_ for this boy.

And she decided she wouldn't allow it.

Especially after the unfair lot in life he'd been dealt. He was a good man at heart, underneath all that snark and he deserved so much better. She wasn't certain what his exact circumstances were, but it was clear from the way he was dressed, shabby robes and holes in his socks, that he was bordering on destitute, if not there already. It didn't surprise her, with the abominable laws that had been put into place. Laws that she had been fighting tooth and nail to repeal. Though she felt no shortage of guilt for not checking in on him before now. Of course she'd sent letters to him, but his replies had always been short and to the point, mentioning nothing about his circumstances and after all...why _would_ he?

She wanted to help him, but not at the expense of what remained of his pride. She could tell that it had cost him to come to her, and looking at him now it was clear that his pride was probably one of the few things he had left, yet he'd instantly cast it aside for the sake of his son. Gryffindor sentiments would do her no good here she knew, If she wanted to help him, _truly_ help him without losing the man he was, she'd just have to be a little more S_lytherin_ about it.

When Severus wasn't looking at her, she quietly conjured a bottle of baby powder from the changing room, then _accidentally on purpose_, knocked it off the side table. Right onto Snape. A nonverbal charm ensured the lid came off, coating the man in the stuff.

"Oh Severus, I'm _soo_ sorry" She quickly ushered him out of the room, towards her bathroom, speaking in apologetic tones. She began removing his tatty outer robe as she spoke to him, "I'm such a klutz, pregnancy hormones you know, they have me all off balance. Please use my shower-" She didn't miss the sudden tension that shot through his frame then, so quickly added "-Or my bath, and I'll wash your robes for you in the washing machine, cleaning charms are terrible with baby powder and on top off all that blood too, it's the least I can do, I'm so so sorry Severus."

Outwardly he grudgingly assured her with a scowl that it was _fine_, but internally couldn't believe his luck. He'd originally felt his gut lurch when she mentioned a shower, but the thought of a warm_ bath_ and properly clean clothes was very appealing, enough so that he allowed himself to be cajoled into the bathroom. Though first he sent a cautious look to the sleeping children in the cot.

"He'll be safe with her Severus, I promise" She reassured him in a soft voice. Though when he still looked concerned she added. "I have lots of wards and monitoring charms attached to the cot, I can attach them to your wand too if you'd like?" He nodded and she copied the charms to the cot and attached them to his wand, before ushering him into the bathroom.

She gestured towards the bath, and with a mumbled spell steaming hot water began to fill it, with soft foaming bubbles that were scented lightly of mint of all things. He wondered if it was a scent she favoured, or something she'd conjured just for him. "Use whatever you like, towels, toiletries and take as long as you need. It's been one hell of a day for you Severus, and then I go ahead and make it worse by spilling powder all over you" A flick of her wand summoned some clothes from what appeared to be a bedroom. "You may as well put these on while you wait for your clothes to dry" She handed him some soft sleeping trousers, in dark grey thankfully, along with a plain grey jersey shirt. "They were Rons, so they should fit but might need tightening around the waist a bit" She said with a sad look. "Leave your other clothes in the hamper, it's connected to the one next to the washing machine and I'll get them washed too, no doubt all that filth is from Alice's home" She asked, giving him a convenient way to explain away the state of his shabby clothes.

He cleared his throat. "Indeed...it was, quite the state" He said cautiously and she tssked as she ushered him towards the bath. "Take your time, I put a roast in the oven earlier. You will stay for dinner won't you?" She batted her eyelids.

His stomach leapt into his throat at the thought, but he made to decline before she continued to speak. "I know you're probably busy but I'd _really_ appreciate the adult company if I'm honest... Do you mind? Can your plans wait?" She asked him and as she sounded _almost_ hopeful, thanking all the gods he cautiously nodded to her before responding in what he hoped was a nonchalant voice. "I have nothing pressing that cannot wait until tomorrow, if it is your desire"

_Well. Technically it wasn't a lie._

She beamed at him. A real honest to goodness smile. And it almost disconcerted him, because he couldn't remember anyone looking at him in such a way before.

"Thank You, I do appreciate it. Take your time anyway, the stress from today alone must be weighing on your muscles. Like I said, help yourself to any toiletries, I feel terrible about making such a mess of you, on top of the day you've had"

And with that after a quick glance over to the babies she left him, to attend to their dinner.

As soon as she left he shut and warded the door behind him, after his own glance to the children. His fingers tightened around the soft fabric in his hands, and uncaring of the previous owner, brought the clothes to his face and inhaled the clean scent of laundry detergent as he felt the soft fabric against his face.

Fingers digging into the fabric as though it was stitched with goblin gold, he looked at the large claw footed tub now filled to the brim with steaming hot water and a soft cloud of bubbles. Vaguely he could hear Hermione downstairs, opening the oven and then the sound of the cutting board as she no doubt began to prepare some vegetables to go alongside the promised roast.

For the second time that day, he broke down and wept.


	7. Chapter 7

**_AUTHORS NOTE: Sorry for the short update, got a poorly friend and rushed off my feet, next chapter will be here soon to make up for it. _**

* * *

_Fingers digging into the fabric as though it was stitched with goblin gold, he looked at the large claw footed tub now filled to the brim with steaming hot water and a soft cloud of bubbles. Vaguely he could hear Hermione downstairs, opening the oven and then the sound of the cutting board as she no doubt began to prepare some vegetables to go alongside the promised roast._

_For the second time that day, he broke down and wept._

* * *

The bath was heaven. Severus had never been a religious man, but he was pretty sure that he was having the closet thing he'd ever had to a religious experience the moment his weary bones settled in the water. Even as he hissed at the temperature of it. _Why do women run their bath water so bloody hot?_ Though he succumbed to it, thinking even this was preferable to _cold. _ Though he did fight the urge (and lost) to cradle his bollocks protectively from the heat as he lowered himself in to the steaming waters, but after a few moments his body began to acclimatise to it, his skin gaining a warm pink flush .

Once his body acclimatised to the heat, it was beyond pleasant and he felt as lax an boneless as a kitten that had been promptly grabbed by the scruff. He'd never been one for such churlish things as bubble-baths as an adult at Hogwarts, and had never had the fortune enough to afford them when he could appreciate them as a child. Though now he revelled in the luxury of it, and was grateful for the covering of foam providing a visual barrier that meant he didn't have to look at his miserable body as he relaxed.

The smells of the bath permeated his skin and his senses, the mint that rose from the foam, along with a slight hint at citrus. The soft tickling sensation as the bubbles pressed against his skin. The Dampness on his face as the warm humid air surrounded him. He relaxed there for a while, until his mind once more kicked into gear. A glance at the water and foam showed it was still pristine and clear with clean white foam, which surprised him. He knew he was less than clean before he collected his son and got covered in all of the filth and grime that it had entailed, so why was the water not filthy? He'd expected to have to change the water a few times, to avoid sitting in the amassed scum.

His question was answered however, when he carefully rubbed some blood from his arm. The blood flaked into the water turning it slightly rusty for a moment before it swirled slightly and went clear again. He saw a slight light in his peripheral vision as it did, and turned to see the subtle runes carved into the side of the bath, which were glowing intermittently. Seeing as it was a muggle claw foot tub, it looked like they'd been added by hand afterwards. _Clever, Granger. Very clever. _It was obvious the bath had runes for cleaning and purification en-spelled into the tub itself. Another cursory glance found more subtle runes engraved into the taps. It was then that he realised that despite being sat in the water for a good few minutes, the bath water felt just as warm as it had when he first got in, and now that his skin had acclimatised to the temperature, he had to admit it felt rather pleasant.

He recognised the flowing cursive script as belonging to Granger, and he instantly knew that she'd done all the spell-work herself. Some might even have been her own creations. She'd always been a prodigy, but Charms, Transfiguration and Arithmancy had been her forte. She'd had Filius, Minerva and Septima all chomping at the bit to take her on as an apprentice.

She'd been excellent at Potions of course, able to recreate any potion as long as she was given accurate instructions. Though she simply lacked the flair required for experimenting and creating her own brews. But _this_ he thought, experimenting with the different runes and finding one that made the water churn like a muggle Jacuzzi, _this_ is where she shone.

He recalled the discovery of her bluebell flames, and the way Filius had reacted to it.

_Severus and Filius had been monitoring the study hall together when a 4th year boy had botched a simple spell and had somehow managed to deluminate the great hall, leaving the room pitch black and the students in rising panic as they were unable to cast even a simple lumos. Until Hermione had conjured her bluebell flames, a constant steady light in the darkness, allowing them to take control of the panicked room. Severus and Filius had been stunned for a moment, before they began the lengthy task of calming the room. They made Hermione stay behind, and she demonstrated the charm once more for them. In addition to providing a steady stream of light, the bluebell flames didn't burn...unless she wanted the to. They had been a creation of hers to solve the problem of reading light in the Hogwarts library. She hated using the lamps or candles for fear of damaging the books, and the lumos spell as well as being taxing and needing frequent re-castings, it formed a harsh and strong white light that she was frightened would fade some of the books if used for an extended time, as sunlight did. Thus, she'd set out to create a safer alternative._

_ Little third year Hermione Granger, had created her own spell from scratch, when most adult wizards would find it impossible and it was just so she could read longer. She didn't even think anything of it, had not realised how monumental it was. Severus had looked at her with no small amount of interest when she'd mentioned how the light was safer to use around potions and ingredients that were sensitive as it didn't generate any heat (unless you wanted it to and was therefore less reactive. Then she had gone on to demonstrate a number of new spells she'd been working on just for fun. Just for fun. Like her little birds, before Severus finally excused her as he feared Filius was about to have a stroke. Later in the staff-room, clutching a jar of the bluebell flames the small man was so overwrought with joy and pride, Minerva had to give him a snifter of Brandy before he passed out from waxing eloquently so long, while Severus looked on enviously at the jar in his hands._

_When Severus returned to his classroom that evening, he found a jar of bluebell flames waiting on his desk for him._

Relaxing in the feel of the warm churning water, he rested his head on the back of the tub and allowed himself to close his eyes, just for a minute.


	8. Chapter 8

Relaxing in the feel of the warm churning water, he rested his head on the back of the tub and allowed himself to close his eyes, just for a minute.

* * *

He jerked awake at the sound a door closing downstairs, casting a quick tempus he swore when he realised he'd been asleep for a good hour and had yet to make any efforts towards actually getting himself clean, other than sitting and stewing in the warm water. He took a moment to once more admire her charmwork and that the water was still pleasantly warm, before he got down to the serious business of actually cleaning himself of a good few weeks of acquired grime.

She'd said that he could use any of her toiletries and for once he decided to push the guilt back and take advantage of her offer. The chit had spilt baby powder all over him after all, so there was no reason not to indulge himself in some of her bath products that she had freely offered as recompense. Looking at the cottage miserably, it was clear that _she_ at least could afford the indulgence. After many months of using the cheap muggle supermarket soap that cost just a few pence a bar and wasn't worth the irritated skin unless he was absolutely filthy, the shelf in her bathroom was a veritable treasure trove of toiletries.

Going by scent he chose a liquid soap, not wanting to soil her soap bar, and had to close his eyes as he felt the luxurious lather on his skin. He was grateful that she did not seem to be a fan of the overly girly and floral scents that many students had doused themselves with at Hogwarts, rose, lavendar and other fruity florals and instead had opted for more herbal-like scents, like patchouli, mint and vetiver. It reminded him of the potions classroom, he thought with a pang that felt like a physical hand grasping in his chest. He had never wanted to teach, and had no desire to continue teaching, but what he would give for the familiar comfort and security of his classroom and quarters at Hogwarts.

The toiletries were not _entirely_ muggle either it seemed, though the contents were no doubt muggle concoctions and not potions, they had been charmed for effectiveness in some way he was sure. It was when he was looking for labels and couldn't find them, that he realised what she'd done. She'd bought the muggle products, likely from some anti-cruelty muggle place, and had poured them into reusable and rune-carved charmed bottles, increasing the effectiveness of the product inside the bottle without the need for potions that in all fairness _did_ often contain various animal parts.  
Severus was not known for his kindness or empathy, and he had no issue with the inclusion of flobberworms, pixies, lacewing flies and other such creatures in potions that saved lives, though he did, where possible find alternative recipes for simple potions like boil cures that didn't requiring ending lives of innocent creatures for the sake of some witches (or wizards) vanity.

Come to think of it, he was sure that the girl had been a vegetarian, perhaps even vegan. Vaguely he recalled her eating differently to the others when at Grimmauld place and he couldn't ever recall her actually partaking in meat within his company. She had always been very reluctant when it came to preparing animal based ingredients in potions, in fact he remembered with no small amount of self loathing when he'd forced her to kill and prepare her own flobberworms for a potion. She would usually have one of the boys do this for her he recalled, which he had usually let slide, but on one such lesson he'd been forced to make an example of her for the sake of the death eater children that had taken notice of her squeamishness and commented on it. It was the first time he'd ever caused tears to run from her eyes, after that comment about her teeth in her fourth year, as he loomed over her while she crushed the thing in front of him and the Death Eater children laughed at her tears. He'd been filled with so much self loathing after that he'd spent all his free time for the next two weeks finding numerous alternative ingredients than crushed flobberworms in various potions, and revised his syllabus for the next year to include the cruelty-free versions.

Despite his perceived appearance, he had always been a very clean man. One couldn't help if one's very fine hair became greasy after hours spent bent over a bubbling cauldron in a humid and airless dungeon, but it showed the pure imbecilic nature of most students that they would believe him to be so lacking in personal hygiene when his entire job centred around creating potions from often delicate and reactive ingredients. The last thing he would want would be to cause an explosion or reaction from cross contamination due to poor personal hygiene.

Finishing up his bath, he reluctantly left the warm water, watching as the runes flashed once more and the tub emptied and scourgified itself upon his exit. Picking up the soft towel, he revelled in the feel of it, compared to the uncomfortable prickly heat of a drying charm on ones skin. Once thoroughly dry, other than his hair which remained somewhat damp, he reluctantly placed the towel in the laundry basket and gathered the clothes that she had left for him.

It was unusual, to wear the grey sweat pants and shirt. Not that he was averse to such things, but he'd spent the last few months wearing the same worn out robes every day, and to feel the soft and fresh smelling fabric against his skin after the roughness of his old, worn and less than fresh robes, he was almost certain that he would've consented to wear the offered clothes even if they had been a fabulous shade of Dolores Umbridge Pink.

He heard Hermione call to him that dinner was on the table and he shouted a vague acknowledgement back, stepping out of the bathroom he bent down to adjust his socks when he immediately froze in his tracks. A low growl rent the air, and all his hair stood on end as he felt the warm breath on the side of his face. He was routed to the floor where he'd knelt to adjust his sock and a clammy sweat broke out on his skin when he tilted his head and was met with the sight of very sharp white teeth. The dog was huge, from Severus's knelt position it dwarfed him and had it stood on its back legs when Severus was stood up it would've easily met him eye to eye. It stared at him unwavering, not a muscle twitched or moved as its entire body was focused soley on Severus. Muscles rippled on it that belied a great strength and agility, its ears had been partially hacked off until they stood at vicious points that pointed forward and its tail had likewise been hacked off at the base until only a severe little stump remained. Various pink scars broke through the distinctly white coat that spoke of many past battles fought and won, and the growl that held him fixed in place was low, deep and _very_ serious. Severus had no doubt this beast would have no qualms whatsoever in following through with the threat it was so firmly issuing. He made to sidestep the thing carefully towards the nursery, his only concern for the sleeping infants, but immediately the dog evaded him and with a shocking burst of speed and manoeuvrability blocked his path, snapping out angry teeth towards him that snapped shut with an audible click. The growl got deeper and the top lip bared back in a vicious snarl that bared every tooth in the beast's formidable muzzle. It took a step forward and Severus took a responding step back. His instincts went into overdrive as he desperately tried to get to his son, he reached for his wand and was about to hex the beast that had found its way in to the house when he noticed something.

The rabid beast was wearing a _collar. _A very very _pink_ leather collar. With a frown he chanced a sideways look at the huge dog in front of him and confirmed that the dog in the very very _pink_ collar, was very very _male. _He frowned once again at the delicate flowers that were engraved in the leather, until he noticed something else that had him breathing out a frustrated sigh.

A very familiar little otter, carved in-between the flowers.

_For Fucks Sake, Merlin help me._

"Hermione!"

* * *

He recalled the silencing spell that protected the cot in the nursery so was not afraid that he would wake the babies, but he'd not expected that when he'd shouted for Hermione the beast began barking loudly and viciously and lunged toward him causing him to fall in step backwards with a curse in an attempt to evade the snapping maw.

There was a muffled swear from downstairs and the sound of her rapid footfalls on the stairs, they were quick but not as quick as the dog in front of him, lightening fast it had sank its teeth into his forearm and brought him down to the ground with a heavy thump. It impacted him like a freight train, using the full weight of its body behind its lunge and Severus's whipcord thin and lanky frame was no match for the veritable brick wall of solid muscle that was the beast that had just hit him.

His head slammed painfully to the floor and the wind was knocked out of him, It used its body weight to pin him down and restrict his movement, by standing on his chest as the teeth locked onto his arm and shook, dragging him at least 3 foot across the floor from where he'd started. Almost absentmindedly he realised the beast was dragging him _away_ from the nursery.

"Sacha loslassen!"

The shaking stopped which he was grateful for, as his teeth were rattling about in his skull, but the dogs mouth was still tightly clamped around his arm and he let out another low growl, Severus felt the vibrations shake his arm.

"**Achtung** Sacha, loslassen _freund_"

The dog immediately let go then and ran to her side, sitting seemingly without prompting right beside her.

"Severus, I am so so sorry, he thought you were an intruder and he was just protecting the babies"

She fell to her knees beside him and helped him stand, before ushering him into the nursery and onto the seat they had shared earlier.

"I suppose I should be grateful then, for had I been a real intruder my plans would most definitely have been derailed" He said dryly.

She immediately began fussing over his arm, casting cleansing and healing spells over it.

The dog followed at a trot and after a quick check at the cot, which involved jumping up at the edge and sticking the huge head in for a good sniff that made Severus's arse clench in nervous apprehension at the distance between his fragile son and the dog's maw, he then came and sat beside Severus on the floor. The great thing put its front paws on the chair beside him bringing himself face to face with Severus and began sniffing his face curiously without a hint of the previous aggression and Severus was shocked to notice bright blue eyes and then the little stump was wiggling side to side in the facsimile of a wagging tail.

He winced at the stinging pain as Hermione healed his arm, and he cautiously raised his other hand to the large wedge shaped head that was still sniffing his face curiously. The dog made no reaction to his raised hand, so he cautiously placed it on it's head. It tensed for a fraction of a second before it began licking his hand and it did a curious little bum-shuffle closer to him before seemingly taking his petting as an invitation as it ungainly and gracelessly began climbing on the sofa beside him, the ethereal grace and manoeuvrability from before seemingly forgotten, as the large dog awkwardly made its way until it was partially laid in his lap on the small sofa. The scuff-scuff noise from the sofa arm suggested the little stump was wagging furiously. The dog now was vigorously licking the underside of his chin from the new angle in his lap.

"Your dog seems to be labouring under a misapprehension of his size, for he is way too large to be considered a lap dog"

Hermione chuffed a laugh but didn't look up from what she was doing or attempt to banish the dog to the floor.

"I'm sorry, he's apologising I think, he likes you but it's strange he doesn't usually like men, I've never seen him be affectionate like that with anyone but me"

Severus snorted, but continued to stroke the dog regardless. Wincing as he felt her heal the bone in his arm, he met her eyes and spoke dryly. "If that was affection I'd hate to see what would happen if he _didn't_ like me"

She snorted before meeting his gaze. "He dislocated Ronald's arm. _Twice_. And broke two ribs. And wouldn't let him in the nursery. _Ever._"

He chuckled then and the noise made the little stump wag harder.

When his arm was healed as much as she was able to, they shifted the dog to the floor where he immediately went and laid beside the cot to sleep, after another cursory check on it's inhabitants.

As they walked Hermione linked her arm with his as though he needed the support, which he found rather unnecessary but it was pleasant contact nonetheless so he allowed it. As they walked across the landing he flicked his wand to right the few items that had been moved in the scuffle.

"Just one thing is bothering me Hermione" He spoke evenly and she looked at him curiously.

"Who the hell puts their angry German attack dog in a pink collar and calls him Sacha?"

She laughed all the way down stairs.


	9. Chapter 9

_"Just one thing is bothering me Hermione" He spoke evenly and she looked at him curiously._

_"Who the hell puts their angry German attack dog in a pink collar and calls him Sacha?"_

_She laughed all the way down stairs._

* * *

It turned out the dog was a white (pink) Dobermann, and had been a _very_ expensive one at that. A _four figure_ expensive. Brought over to the UK as a puppy from Germany, for a year he'd been the ultimate poser's dog for 'big lads'. Rare, expensive, trained to high level obedience, to attack and guard. Ears cropped and tail docked he'd competed up and down the country at popular (and illegal) dog events. And then, as white dogs are prone to do, he'd gone irreversibly blind. They'd attempted to retire him to stud to recoup their losses, only to find he was not at all interested in the bitches and perhaps a little_ too i_nterested in the other studs.

Suddenly the sightless _pink_ dog, that was only interested in _other_ dogs, was no longer the big lad's dream poser dog.

"Only you could buy a blind, pink, _gay_, German, attack dog" He said with a chuckle as they drank their tea and she responded with a chuckle of her own.

"Technically I _rescued_ a blind, pink, gay, German attack dog" Her smile was contagious and he found himself smirking back to her. "Exactly how does one go about rescuing a fabulous pink attack dog, German or no?" He asked and she smiled ruefully. "One takes an injured bird to the vets, stumbles upon a chav wanting to have the pink monster put to sleep, as he can't be bothered with the hassle of owning a blind dog, and offers him the contents of ones purse to take the dog with you instead"

Raising his cup to his lips once more he asked with mirth, "And what was this steep price that bought the great beast that is laid like the proverbial sphynx guarding my son?"

"£27, some mints, a tampon and a free McDonald's voucher from the newspaper"

He barked out an actual laugh at that, almost spilling the entire contents of his (_perfectly brewed_) cup of tea and she giggled back as he put his cup down for fear of spilling any more of his precious tea. "But now the real question is did he take the mints, tampon and McDonald's voucher?"

She laughed as she answered drolly. "Every last tic tac"

"He didn't" He chortled as she emphatically affirmed it once more "He did! I swear to Merlin he did!"

"But surely not the tampon and voucher!"

"Hey, that was an actual tampax and not own brand crap, he probably took it for his missus." He was practically in hysterics as he asked "And the voucher?"

"He might've got hungry on the way home" She responded and he was suddenly laughing harder than he had in years despite himself.

"That's not it though" and he tried to calm himself as he watched her mischievous face. "I'd just been to the apothecary, and I had raw burba root too"

"You didn't!" He gaped "You're having me on!"

"I'm serious! You chew it during pregnancy and it can help relieve cravings!" She started laughing in earnest then as she said "He probably thought it was _weed_!" He gaped at her for a moment, but then she met his eyes and he cracked up. He was laughing so hard his cheeks ached and his ribs were sore, at the thought of the hard man, muggle chav who was likely to be growing some very impressive chest accessories if he had smoked the raw burba root, for burba root once burned broke down and the broken down root mimicked oestrogen in the human body and was often used by healers in potions for hormone therapy or in rare cases gender re-assignment.

Yes the horrible chav that sold his disabled dog, was most likely and unexpectedly, growing a spectacular pair of tits.

**oOo**

His prior theories about her vegan-ism were confirmed when she pulled out the 'roast' she'd prepared for dinner. "Sorry, I may have deceived you when I said 'roast'" She looked at him sheepishly, yet still hopeful. "I hope you won't hold it against me, I'm usually vegan, but I've reverted to vegetarian while I'm nursing, technically it is a 'roast' though."

It was a roast. It was a nut roast actually,quite obviously homemade from scratch and not store bought and frankly Severus didn't give a flying doxy that it was. He'd never been a man that obsessed much over meat, especially during the time of the war when he frequently suffered from stomach ulcers due to the stress and always associated the imbibing of red meat with the crippling stomach pains and nausea that came after. More recently after some of the bland, tasteless and rather _dubious_ cold tinned produce he'd been eating from the muggle clearance stores, the highly spiced and aromatic nut roast she was presenting, with various butter roasted vegetables and sweet onion gravy that she was plating up had him practically salivating, and ready to become a card carrying member of the vegetarian league, if it meant he got to eat meals like the one she was putting in front of him. Though he simply said. "I'm sure I shall survive"

She'd smiled at him then, seemingly genuinely pleased at his response, will wonders never cease, as she encouraged him to the table and presented him with a fresh cup of juice to go alongside the dinner. The taste of the obviously fresh-squeezed juice lit across his tongue and he had to hold back a very verbal and visceral reaction. After many months of living off the cheapest packaged muggle fast food, like instant noodles and tinned spaghetti, he could practically taste the vitamin C as the vibrant juice rolled across his tongue, cleansing his palette of the residual taste of tea, in preparation for the meal ahead.

It was clear between her upper class parents and Molly Weasley that she had been tutored in how to be the perfect dinner host, keeping his cup filled and ensuring that he had a heaped pile on his plate. The conversation flowed easily between them, and he could practically feel his brain cells that had been stagnating in his destitution, waking up, perking up and firmly setting their sights on her. He marvelled at how easy she was to talk to. She was brilliant of course, and this was probably the first time he'd been able to have a truly in-depth intellectual conversation with her. She didn't have the potions knowledge that he did, but had enough of a grasp of advanced brewing to hold her own in a conversation on the subject. And what she lacked in his field, she more than made up for in her own. Having to stop and backtrack more than once to explain advanced charms and arithmancy theorems to him when she'd had lost him in her descriptions. She was never condescending though, offering him the information simply so that he could pick himself back up in the conversation and carry on.

He ate a large plate of the food she offered, taking it slowly so as not to tax his neglected stomach and savouring every mouthful and she insisted on him taking a second helping so that they could continue their "adult dinner conversation" as she put it, a very novel yet pleasantly new experience for her she'd explained and that he could fully understand. For after going from the ridiculousness of the Gryffindor table, to the hubbub of the burrow, the drollness of her life with Ronald Weasley and subsequently her time alone, he doubted she'd ever had the chance to have a real intellectual conversation with anyone who could even vaguely resemble holding their own against her formidable intellect.

When they finished their meal she brought out a decadent desert of the best bitter dark chocolate, with sweet coconut cream, salted caramel and homemade shortbread. After his second helping of pudding, as it just went so well alongside their post-dinner coffees she reasoned, and who was he to go against such sound judgement? She'd admitted to tricking him into experiencing his first fully vegan pudding. Once more he'd offered her a slight frown and a non-committal comment, though internally he was considering handing in his vegetarian card and upgrading to the vegan package, as he eyed the leftover coconut cream on her plate.

**oOo**

They were interrupted by Sacha chuffing at her from the top step and before he had time to panic, she had reassured him that the dog was just letting her know the babies were stirring. She had wards of course, that alerted them a moment later, but told him the dog didn't know that, and dutifully praised the "good dog" for letting her know when they reached the top step where it waited to lead them into the nursery. He rather unexpectedly had a large wedge shaped head, press itself into his hands and found himself automatically repeating her praise to the canine who's stumpy tail wagged in pleased response to the repeated affirmation that he was indeed a 'good boy'. Trotting along ahead the dog then dutifully led them to the crib, as though they might have forgotten where they had left their offspring, whereupon he at last settled onto the floor beside them, once Hermione and himself had removed both stirring babies and taken a seat on the sofa with them.

He got his first look at the awake Rose, who fussed for what seemed an inordinately long time before feeding, unlike his own son who had latched on straight away. Even once latched on Rose was unsettled, kicking out and complaining and frequently letting go. Hermione bore it all stoically with little more than a harsh sigh as the girl fretted in her arms. After a moment she gave him and his son a considering look before beckoning for him to pass the boy over. His expression must have given away his incredulity at this course of action as she simply offered him a wry chuckle. "Humour me"

Capitulating to her vastly greater experience, whilst trying to not to allow his face to flame as red as it felt like it was, he passed his son over and after ascertaining she was not concerned with his gaze upon her, watched as she settled his son into her opposite arm. Once in position his son greedily latched on once more, chubby hand resting atop her breast as he kicked happily and settled into nursing. The fussing Rose seemed to quiet once more with the presence of his son beside her, and Hermione heaved out a sigh that he didn't know if it was relieved or resigned and he was once more surprised at Rose, who must be at least 3 months older than his son when held beside him, was barely the same size. Sacha also seemed inordinately pleased with the presence of his son. Frequently sniffing and snuffling the small baby in her arms, tail wagging as though he'd found some great prize. An ugly suspicion began to raise in his mind, but he dare not give it voice.

When both babies had drunk their fill, she almost reluctantly handed his son over to him, and they both stood and walked and rocked the babies in unison until they had matching towels covered in spit-up over their shoulders almost in sync. Sharing an amused look with him, Hermione took him to the changing room and talked him through the absolutely appalling task that was changing the children's nappies, this time supervising him as he applied the ointment to his son's skin. The nappy change was a heinous task that had him suppressing his gag-reflex more that when he'd come back from the summer holidays to find some moronic student had hidden a open jar of murtlap carcasses in his classroom, that had decomposed over the summer. Though Hermione assured him that he'd handled it with more stoicism than the male race as a whole was known for.

He watched with a small smile as Rose once more fussed and kicked on the changing table, and his son reached a chubby fist towards her, which she grasped in her own. They were holding hands. He smiled at Hermione, at the warmth and innocence of the moment, the two babies gaining comfort from one another, only to find that she was not sharing in his warmth. In fact her expression had sank and became at once cold and haunted, and once more the ugly suspicion rose in his mind with startling clarity.

When she met his eyes she must've realised that he had noticed her manner, and picking up Rose as he picked up his son, she gestured him to follow her in the nursery. "There's something we should talk about"

And he realised then and there, that as bad as his day had been so far, it was about to get a whole lot worse.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: This chapter is long awaited, I hope the length and contents make up for it! I'm sorry about that, but we should start to get some answers here for some things that have only been hinted at so far in this story. MULTIPLE TRIGGER WARNINGS IN THIS CHAPTER AND FROM HERE ON OUT!**

* * *

_When she met his eyes she must've realised that he had noticed her manner, and picking up Rose as he picked up his son, she gestured him to follow her in the nursery. "There's something we should talk about"_

_And he realised then and there, that as bad as his day had been so far, it was about to get a whole lot worse._

* * *

They put the babies down together, and once more he noticed Rose quieting when his son was placed beside her. His gut churning in a way that he was certain was not due to the large meal he had just eaten, but the weight of the words he was sure were about to be spoken.

She told him to sit and he did, on the small sofa. He was momentarily amused that Sacha had done likewise at the same command and he offered a wry smile to the dog beside him.

She didn't move from her position over the crib though, and he noticed that her grip was white knuckled as she watched the sleeping infants with her back to him.

The only sound in the room was the soft breathing of the children and the scuff scuff as the ever loyal dog's tail wouldn't stop wagging.

"When I found out I was pregnant after the war, I think I was still in shock. So much had happened, so many people lost. So much was still going on, you were still in Azkaban, and I was still fighting for your release. There were so many funerals, Ron was still alive..."

She trailed off but she didn't cry, her breathing was ragged though but he remained silent. He felt like he didn't want to hear this, but perhaps she needed to say it, so he remained rooted to the spot.

"A part of me almost couldn't comprehend it. After what happened at Malfoy Manor I'd been convinced that I would probably never have the chance to be a mother, and then here was the proof of the stupidity of that statement staring me right in the face. I almost didn't believe it, it was as though my mind just couldn't take it in...until I felt the movement"

When she paused for a moment, he spoke quietly. "What happened at Malfoy Manor?" He asked with concern, and she looked at him over her shoulder for just a moment to give her answer.

"Bellatrix Lestrange happened"

Severus's scowl deepened, and she turned back to the babies in the cot.

"Ron was happy, I think. Or at least he pretended to be. He married me of course, straight away. I was still in shock, I'd not long since got the news that my parents had been k-killed and I just...went with it I think. It was easier than trying to think too deeply on anything. He spun some tales about how badly it would look upon him if the children were born out of wedlock, blah, blah. I think looking back now, he knew that when I finally came out of the state I was in, I would've never agreed to marry him, pregnant or not. Not after everything that happened. And we were two vastly different people anyway, the war had shown us that in glaring detail"

"When we found out were were having_ twins..." _she paused for his gasp and then carried on_ "_Ron was over the moon, kept talking about how he was looking forward to meeting his sons. His mother's family were known for having twin boys you see, Molly's brothers Fabian and Gideon and then of course Fred and George. So he was convinced that he was carrying the family tradition on with two twin boys. He wanted to go public straight away, was talking about putting an ad in the prophet for Merlin's sake. But I begged him not to. I knew there was so many things that could go wrong with twin births and first pregnancies in general, not just after everything that happened at the Manor. So I persuaded him to keep it quiet, somehow had the wherewithal and played him at his own game... convinced him it would be a better story to present not one, but two babies when the prophet wasn't expecting it, but it worked anyway and only we knew we were expecting twins."

"I still couldn't quite believe it. So I threw myself into my other tasks, getting you out of Azkaban was a priority. And a million other things to do with the rebuilding of hogwarts and so on. I went into labour at just under 8 months. They had warned me that I would probably be early with a twin birth. Gods, I'd wanted to be at London Children's Hospital but Ron wanted his sons to be born in the magical world, and I'd begged for St. Mungos then and he'd told me not to be daft. So I had a home birth as was traditional, with the same mediwitch who'd delivered all the weasley children. And I mean ALL the weasley children. This woman had delivered _Molly_ for merlins sake. But it made Ron happy so I..."

_Went along with it, Severus thought with a frown_

"Went along with it." She confirmed a moment later. "It was a horrible birth. The labour went on for so long, and I lost so much blood. I had a bad reaction to the pain reliever that she gave me so I had to go without. the pain was...unreal."

"I'd had Sacha a while by this point and he'd always hated Ron with a passion. Especially when he shouted. The midwife was going on about how I just had to keep pushing, that the babies would end up in distress if I didn't deliver soon. To let them tear me if I had to, but to just get them _out. _Ron went mental, shouting as soon as he heard his sons could be in danger, telling me I wasn't trying hard enough. Sacha had been barely holding on by a thread, but the second Ron went to grab my arm he snapped. Nearly took his hand off. It was my wild magic that finally booted him out of the room. So there I was with Ron screaming in the hall, and this useless senile mediwitch just telling me to keep pushing, and Sacha growling at them both while I held on to him, and I just wanted to say to them all 'can't you see I'm dying here?'"

His stomach lurched in sympathy as he stared at the shaking girl's back.

"Sacha was my rock. I don't think I could have done it without him. I had my arms around him so tight I don't know how I didn't break his ribs, and he never left my side."

"Rose was born first. A big healthy girl. the nurse gave her to me, and then Hugo followed. He was smaller than Rose. But we'd been told that there's always one twin smaller than the other, always one stronger baby that takes the lion's share of the nutrition from their mother but they would soon even out once they were nursing. He was almost half Rose's size though, but a weasley through and through. Bright blue eyes, red hair, freckles the lot." She'd smiled.

"Ron bypassed Rose and went straight to her of course, and as wizarding tradition dictated the nurse gave his first born son straight to him and I had to hold Sacha back just to let Ron hold him. She was about to leave us when Sacha went mental. I was haemorrhaging and she hadn't even noticed. Wouldn't have done, if Sacha hadn't dragged her back. She stopped the bleeding and left me with formula, told me not to attempt to nurse them until the morning as I was too weak. But I was full of milk and my chest hurt and I just wanted to nurse my babies but she forbid me."

Her body trembled.

"We put the babies down. Hugo wouldn't take the bottle she offered and I was so worried but she said it would be fine and he'd nurse in the morning after I'd slept, some babies just didn't want the bottle and I allowed myself to trust her because I'd remembered my mum saying something similar about me refusing a bottle when I was a baby and I was just too exhausted and sore and overwhelmed by it all."

"Sacha wouldn't let Ron in the nursery once the babies were down, but he went straight to bed anyway. Shut and warded the bedroom door out of spite so Sacha couldn't get in. An hour later Sacha woke me up, he was howling and throwing himself at the door. I'd never heard him so frantic and so I went straight to him. Ron was convinced he was just throwing a tantrum to get into the bedroom and ignored him, but I got up even though I could barely walk and Sacha ran straight to the nursery when he saw me."

A vice had gripped Severus's heart as he saw her shoulders shake silently.

"I just_ knew_. The second he ran to the nursery, the second I'd heard him howl, the second he'd woken me up I just _knew. _And there he was. Rose was crying and he was just silent and still."

"I don't remember everything in detail after that. I just remember thinking that I must have called for Ron because he was there, snatching Hugo up before I could even pick him up. He was shouting at Rose and Sacha to be quiet, shouting at _me_ to be quiet so I must have been crying or _screaming _or something. I just remember standing there. Tears and snot down my face, my milk had let down hearing Rose cry and there was blood running down my legs and I must have looked an absolute fright and I was begging for him to give me Hugo but he just wouldn't stop screaming at me"

He couldn't remain seated any longer, so he stood and approached as cautiously as one would an injured Hippogriff. But she turned and sank herself into the embrace he offered.

"I begged him to let me hold him but he just ...He took him. Took him and had him buried god knows where and I never...never got to hold him, not even once. never got to nurse him or dress him or anything." The tears came thick and fast then as he held her in his arms offering what little comfort he could.

"It was like Rose started crying when Hugo died and _ ' ._ Every day Ron grew more bitter and angry. Told me it was my fault his son was dead..."  
"It's not-" he began but she cut him off with a soft look "I know that. Now I know that, but at the time I had postpartum depression, I was hurt, angry and so devastated. I believed all the things he said about me. That I had failed as a mother, that If I'd have just tried harder in the labour, or if I hadn't been so 'dramatic' afterwards so that I could've nursed him that it would've made all the difference."

Sacha whined and pushed himself to his grieving mistress, who patted him lightly.

"And as well as blaming me, he blamed Rose. Blamed Rose for being a girl, for being the bigger twin and 'killing' her brother, his only son. So all he was left with was this stupid girl who did nothing but cry just like her mother. I told him that Rose missed her brother, mourned him. She'd known him longer than either of us, didn't know how to be without him and he just called me stupid."

At a loss of what to do he just rubbed her arms in what could be construed as a vaguely soothing gesture and she just chuckled at his self depricating and chagrined smile as he stood there awkwardly, handing the situation the best he could.

"He was drinking again, really badly like he had when the war had finished. He dried up a bit before the babies were born but he was going through it worse than ever Then he started looking at Rose...and..."

"He got so angry he nearly killed me. But Sacha stopped him, it's how he got the scar on his shoulder. If he hadn't got the urgent patronus from the Auror office about the rogue death eater attack, I think he would have killed us both. Me and Rose. Instead he went to work with the other Aurors, but he was drunk and angry and _reckless_. And he got himself killed. And nobody knows, but me and now you. They gave me his pension and his Order of Merlin money, set me up with hazard pay and all the benefits a grieving widow of a war hero is allowed, and none of them know that moments before he was called the killing curse was on his lips and he was ready to kill me and Rose both."

With a shudder she pulled herself out of his arms and wiped her eyes.

"The rest of this conversation requires alcohol" She'd said simply, and with that they'd made their way downstairs.

Much to his combined embarrassment and fascination she'd used a breast pump to get some milk before she began to drink. Explaining to him that the alcohol would be out of her system by the time the babies needed a morning feed, but she wanted some fresh milk on hand in case the children stirred in the night.

When that was finished, she offered him a choice of alcohol which he reluctantly accepted a small glass of wine, and she simply shrugged and poured herself a full one.

"Ron saw something in Rose, something that made him so angry that he was ready to kill her, a defenceless child, and me, her mother and his wife. Do you know what he saw in her? The daughter who survived, while his son died?"

He shook his head slightly, but had a feeling she wasn't looking for an answer.

"You've always been a learned man Severus, so hopefully I don't have to spell it out for you. Heteropaternal Superfecundation" She took a large swig of the red wine, and he almost frowned at the ill treatment of what appeared to be an expensive red.

He was quiet for a moment, dark brow furrowed in thought until she saw the moment that he seemed to comprehend, eyes widening and pallor going ashen.

"Heteropaternal Superfecundation... twins with different fathers?" He asked, unable to hide the shock from his voice.

She raised her glass to him, with nothing but a self deprecating smirk as she drank the last of her wine.

"Have you looked at Rose Severus? Truly looked at her? She's so fair isn't she? Fairer even than me, and her skin is like porcelain. None of the freckles the Weasleys are famous for, or even like my own. And her hair? Sure it curls like mine, but the colour is much too fair. Not like Rons, or Hugos or any Weasley for that matter."

Severus's grip was tight on his glass, as he quickly took in her words with dawning unease.

"Forgive me, but you do not seem...I mean, from what I understand which is limited I'll grant you, you would have had to have...interactions with the two fathers, no more than 2 maybe 3 days apart..."

"If you're trying to suggest that I'm not the type, then you're right I'm _not. _Her hair Severus, what colour are the highlights in Roses's hair?"

He frowned at those words, that made dark thoughts rouse in his mind.

She answered for him though, before he got a chance.

"It's silver. Her hair is ashen blonde, with silver highlights, how many wizards do you know born with silver hair Severus?"

There was only one wizard that sprung to mind, the thought made him queazy and had him putting the glass down before he broke it.

"Then if the son you lost was Ronald's...then Rose's father is...?"

She smiled then, though there was nothing remotely happy about it.

"Rose's father..."

Is Fenrir Greyback"


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Sorry for the long delay in story updates, I'm still struggling with my health and pain levels. At the moment the battle is to find a medication for my chronic pain that agrees with me. The first medication made me nauseous, and the second one helps my pain somewhat but leaves me extremely fatigued and tired. As always though, I assure my readers that my stories won't be abandoned, even if I have to take longer between updates, they WILL be updated. Lots of Love, Ems. x**

* * *

_"Then if the son you lost was Ronald's...then Rose's father is...?"_

_She smiled then, though there was nothing remotely happy about it. __"Rose's father..."_

_Is Fenrir Greyback"_

* * *

There was a nausea inducing sense of vertigo at her softly spoken words, memories of revels and raids and more than one humiliating and debasing encounter of his own with the large and insane werewolf, both during the war and after.

Severus's fear of werewolves was his one true weakness in the eyes of the Dark Lord, after being informed by that rat pettigrew. The werewolf, being the favourite pocket pet of the Dark Lord, meant that Fenrir was both the perfect threat for motivation and instrument of punishment for the Potion's master and Severus had no end of personal experience to fall back on that attested to the depraved ferocity that was an unleashed Fenrir with permission to do as he pleased, as long as his 'toy' was still alive afterwards.

Fenrir wasn't gay, in fact he had a very strong penchant for young girls.  
_Very young_ girls.  
_**Too** young_ girls.  
Though that didn't stop him using sex as a powerful weapon in his arsenal when it came to punishing someone on behalf of the Dark Lord and Fenrir always took to the job with unholy glee and gained more than ample pleasure from the screams of his victims regardless of their gender, something Severus himself could personally attest to.

But whenever Fenrir had been set upon someone in the past, including himself, it had always been with the clear understanding from the Dark Lord that they were either a) ultimately to be killed, so he may do as he please, or b) When punishing death eaters like Severus himself, his ferosity was to be mostly reigned in so that they were left fully functional afterwards.

If Bellatrix had given the girl to Fenrir at Malfoy Manner, Severus knew with certainty that her intention would have been to torture the girl to death, whether she got what information she had wanted or not, so Severus felt sick at the thought of what could have happened to her under both the wand of Bellatrix and Claws of Fenrir, when neither had intended her to survive the encounter...of that he was certain.

Still, he had to be sure.

"Fenrir...raped you?"

There was a choked laugh then, almost hysterical in nature, as she spat a mouthful of wine back into her glass, lest she choke on it, and it made him wince back at her frightening tone.

"Well he certainly didn't take me for dinner and a movie" there was a comtemplatuve pause and then " I don't think _rape_ is a strong enough word to describe what he did to me".

He could only take her in then, gaze upon her closely and sure enough he saw the light silvery scars around her neck, from a grip that was all too familiar.

"No... I don't believe it is". He said softly and she cocked her head in his direction speculatively.

"You?" She asked, and her tone was decidedly flat. There was no judgement or even worse _pity_ in her tone, just pure curiosity, so after a moment he chose to answer... honestly.

"...Yes. Though he was quite a bit more..._muzzled_... in my case, the Dark Lord had to make sure I was still _fit for purpose_ afterwards."

She had winced at his description, then sat in contemplative silence afterwards, until he felt the need to break it.

"Do you wish to talk about it ?" He asked smoothly, though hoped with everything he had that she would answer in the negative. He could barely contemplate his own violent interactions with the manic werewolf, locking them so deeply behind his occlumency shields so that barely a hum of them resonated in his mind.

"No... Gods No...I don't think I could... not now anyway...maybe some other time, if the offer stands?" Amber eyes met his over the rim of her wine glass and he barely inclined his head in a nod of acquiescence.

"So the encounter with Fenrir, was only a few days after your relations with Mr. Weasley?" Again she snorted a laugh, but this time didn't look at him, and her answer was aimed into her wine glass as she swirled it in her hand.

"Try the other way around"

This time it was his turn to choke on his wine, his eyes snapped to hers but she didn't lift her gaze from the whine she swirled in her hand. "You and Mr Weasley... So soon after Fenrir?... I don't mean to judge" He added on hastily at the look she gave him, though she merely waved him off.

"Yes you did, but it's fine I don't take offence. I did... We did, 2 days later. It was at Shell Cottage, after Fleur patched me up. I was mostly healed, or healed as much as I could be with what we had available. If we had more time, more supplies, I could have perhaps been healed better...more thoroughly and with less scars, though I didn't die and I could still fight, so that was the main thing at the time at least."

It pained him to hear her so blasé about her trauma, which he was sure was extensive. However the light in her eyes showed that her pain was truly soul deep and her callous words were but a shield she used to protect herself. Something that Severus himself could relate to, all too clearly.

"I will not pry any further , you do not owe me an explanation, nor do you need to bring up old wounds for my sake"

He said honestly, and she offered him

that sad smile again.

"It's fine Severus , I know the Morbid curiosity must be killing you - "

It actually was , it was like the urgent need to watch a car crash, and part of him just needed to know.

"I didn't go looking for...it...or for him. He came into my bedroom at shell cottage and, talked me into it I suppose would be the general gist of it. He didn't force me or anything..."

Severus had to hold back his opinion when she said that.

"But I was so... overwhelmed? I just..."

"Went along with it ?" He finished for her and she confirmed with a slightly raised eyebrow.

"Forgive me for speaking Ill of the dead, but Weasley seemed to have a habit of making you 'go along with it' in situations that he really should not have and any control of to begin with"

"You noticed that too huh?" Chagrined she asked him.

"Congratulations, it took me much longer to realise it and come to terms with it afterwards. It's one of the few things I selfishly use to alleviate my own guilt over letting him walk to his own death"

"He tried to kill you, and your infant for something that was done to you, that was out of your control entirely. After he acted no better and coerced you while you were convalescing, vulnerable and unable to offer true consent. And on top of all that he did it irresponsibly without a thought of protection for either of you, or the repercussions of having unsafe relations. He should have been shunned not liaised and he's lucky he's not alive because I would've flayed him for what he did"

"You're talking like he raped me Severus"

The words were quiet and cautious

"Didn't he?" He countered and she was silent, for she had no fitting answer for him.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: For those of you who haven't found me already, I have started a page on facebook, pop over and say Hi !  
Please continue to review on stories, it really fuels the creative fire, but if you would like to chat or have any direct questions about the stories that you would like an answer to, pop on over to the page ! Love Ems. x (P.S ...I also take commissions) **

* * *

_"You're talking like he raped me Severus"_

_The words were quiet and cautious_

_"Didn't he?" He countered and she was silent, for she had no fitting answer for him._

* * *

She was quiet for a long while, her full attention focused on swirling what was left of the wine in her glass. She looked morose, and he felt horrendously guilty for making her feel so, the one person in his whole existence who cared a jot for him, and had spent the day selflessly helping...had over the course of the day gone from the happy smiling woman that greeted him at the door, to the maudlin creature sat before him.

_You ruin everything you touch._

"Apologies, I spoke out of turn." He said quietly, but she just shook her head with a sad smile and downed the rest of her glass. "The one downside of breast feeding they don't tell you about" She said gesturing to him, by saluting with her empty wine glass. "I've never much cared for it, but now that I can't have more than one a day it's as though I've never needed it more and my body has decided that all life's problems can be cured at the bottom of a bottle."

He said nothing. He couldn't. For if he had the funds to do it, he would no doubt be easily found drinking or smoking whatever he could get his hands on.

She inhaled sharply as though to prepare herself "I don't think -" she began but he cut her off. "Please, do not push yourself, you do not owe me an explanation and I spoke without considering your feelings, for that I apologise"

Then she reached across the table and placed her small hand in his, giving his hand a light squeeze.

"It's alright, I think I need to get it off my chest, you know? and you're the first person I trust to speak about it freely"

He couldn't more than nod sharply in ascent, words completely failed him. Not just at her declaration of trust, which was astounding in its own right, but at the small warm hand that still held his own. _No-one_ had ever held his hand before. He was not prepared for it, the gentle touch given so easily and It entirely unmanned him. Keeping his head bowed, he gave the illusion of offering her some semblance of privacy from his gaze while she spoke her peace, but in reality it offered him the opportunity to at least attempt to regain some sense of his composure which had promptly shattered at her gentle and friendly touch, though she began to speak none the wiser to how her gentle touch had all but demolished his weak hold on his composure.

"I don't think I ever allowed myself to use that word for what Ron did. A part of me wanted to, but another part...wouldn't allow me to even think of it really. How could I? It seemed laughable to even compare what Ron did, to what Fenrir did. In my head I thought, at least Ron wasn't _trying_ to hurt me, not that first time. I thought that, like he said, that I could at least give him this... because in a way he'd been cheated too...because I wasn't a v-virgin anymore."

His murderous black eyes snapped up and met hers at her softly spoken statement and she would've flinched at the intensity, if she hadn't known for certain that his anger wasn't directed at her.

"Just because Fenrir used all the incredible violence that his twisted mind was capable of, does not negate Weasley's actions. Rape is defined by_ consent_, not by the force in which the aggressor uses. Nor in my eyes does it make his crimes any less barbaric, in fact I believe it could be argued that Weasley's crime was much worse... made more atrocious because of the emotional connection you shared with him, and the trust that he shattered with his actions. You were injured, frightened, traumatised. This boy, this_ ignorant, selfish excuse for a human_, who only existed because you kept them both alive for so long, coerces you into an intimate situation you do not want and he dares..._**he dares**_ to use the selfish, misogynist opinion to even imply that you had somehow been ruined for him because you were no longer untouched? The fact alone that he cared more about staking his claim over an inconsequential bit of tissue, like a dog pissing on a lampost, rather than your own emotional state at having your first intimate experience be a traumatic assault... shows who we was as a person. As much a vermin as the rat he carried about. Be thankful he is dead and gone already witch, for I would've made Fenrir's ferocity pale in comparison to what I would've done to that swine had I found out how he treated you that day. Let alone his actions afterwards, towards you and your child. The one time he even_ dared_ to even insinuate that you. _**You**_, the smartest, bravest and kindest witch to leave Hogwarts in it's living history, to insinuate that you were in anyway _diminished_ because of the experiences you survived, experiences that would've crushed the pathetic mind of a boy like him, I would've had him _begging_ for an Avada when I was through with him!"

The anger he felt burned his blood hot, and he realised he was squeezing her hand somewhat tightly and that she was staring at him in mute wide eyed silence. His skin turned clammy when he saw her eyes fill with tears and he fought back the bile that threatened at the thought he had terrified her with his outburst.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

"Thank You" Came the tremulous responce, and it threw him off so much that he answered "For what?" the heartfelt gratitude in her words and the fact that her hand was still tightly grasping his, making the usually eloquent man lose all sense of equilibrium.

"For _seeing_ it... for not burying your head in the sand like the others did, but for validating that I was right to feel..._violated_... by the way he treated me...And for offering to kill him for me. It's one thing having someone like Harry who'd be willing to die for you, but it's another thing entirely having someone who'd be willing to kill for you...so thank you"

He couldn't meet the gratitude in her gaze, so merely turned away and nodded with a sniff. "It is no less than you deserve"

She busied herself with clearing the dishes from the table and after a moment he kicked himself for allowing his mind to wander, and stood to assist her. "You're a guest" She chided softly as he stood by her at the sink, but he waved her off.

"You've done enough for me this night, witch"

Gently nudging her to the side, he took over washing the plates, the muggle way as she had been. "You had better dry them, for I do not know the proper place for their return"

They washed the pots and pans in companionable silence, apart from the moment where he wondered to himself why she had not likewise charmed the sink, the way she had done the bath upstairs. She must have sensed where his thoughts had wondered to though because she broke the silence .

"I know a spell would be quicker. But some things I just like to do the muggle way...it's cathartic, you know?"

"Indeed" He answered, for he did understand. Growing up in a muggle home just as she had, there were things that he too found cathartic to do the muggle way. One of those was brewing tea from leaves, as she had done before, what had been part of his daily routine at Hogwarts had quickly become a luxury he could no longer afford, which had only increased his enjoyment of the tea she had prepared for them earlier.

As they both dried their hands there was a chime from the washing machine, signalling that his clothes were clean once more, though to Severus it was the proverbial death knoll and dejected he glanced from the washing machine, to looking sideways longingly at the teapot on the table, before turning to face her and almost blushing when he realised she was looking directly at him, hoping she hadn't caught his wistful gaze towards the still half full teapot.

"You know, wizarding clothes don't always stand up well to the tumble drier, so they won't be dry until morning if I put them on the clothes airer... you should stay the night if it isn't an inconvenience to you? I have a spare bedroom, and the little man has had a long day too, it would be a shame to wake him now"

He swallowed the lump in his throat, but nodded once, before hesitantly meeting her gaze. "I daresay it is you that would be inconvenienced by our presence, you have been nothing short of a miracle this night Hermione, and I am in your debt, moreso than I was already"

She scoffed and waved it off, but he was having none of it.

"Do not be so quick to dismiss your actions, I can count on one hand the number of people I have been able to trust over my life, and even fewer would I call an actual friend. I am well aware of the fact that you're the sole reason that I have the freedom that I have and am not still languishing in Azkaban, or dead on the floor of that shack. You're also the only person tenacious and persistent enough to keep friendly contact with me, when I am anything less than pleasant in my infrequent letters. And all that is before the events of this day, do not doubt that I am in your debt, witch."

She was silent for a moment, before in a move that both rooted him to the spot and shook him senseless, she wrapped her arms around him in a solid hug. His arms trembled as he returned her embrace, and she spoke into his chest.

"It is you that shouldn't sell yourself short Severus, must I list just some of the ways you have saved me over the years? In my second year you both rescued me from my poyjuice induced foray into feline nature and cured me of petrification. In my third year, you put yourself between me and a werewolf, in my fifth year you put me back together when Dolhov tried his best to turn me inside out, in my sixth year you did everything you could to try and teach me the skills to save myself and for the last 20 years you dedicated yourself to trying to make the world a safer place for students of my heritage and nearly died in that fight and that isn't mentioning the numerous times that I am certain you saved my life without my knowledge, of which I'm sure there is many. So do not speak about debts Severus, because I can assure you the scales are evenly balanced, or if they're not its because they tip in your favour. If anything, I should be asking what I can do to make it up to you."

She pulled back from the hug, subtly turning to wipe the tears from her eyes and providing him a convenient oppurtunity to do the same unnoticed.

"So, will you stay the night? If you need me to sweeten the deal, I've been told I make really good waffles for breakfast"

He barked out a surprised laugh, and even more surprising to Hermione he pulled her back into a quick one armed hug which she returned with a smile.

"I could be persuaded...especially if you have any more of that coconut cream"

To his delight she just laughed and went to pour them some more tea.

And he couldn't help but smile, that the true hell of his existence had been put on hold for another 12 hours at least.


	13. Chapter 13

_To his delight she just laughed and went to pour them some more tea._

_And he couldn't help but smile, that the true hell of his existence had been put on hold for another 12 hours at least._

* * *

They checked on the children once more, to find them sleeping peacefully and quiet in the cot. Sascha, the ever constant presence was laid on the floor beside the cot, but made no move to get up when they entered the room, their only acknowledgement from the faithful canine guardian was the muffled noise of the stubby tail wagging at their approach.

"She's never slept this peacefully before" Hermione said to him in a whisper, though only had eyes on her daughter and Severus's son. "Like I said, when Hugo died it was like she started crying and _she just wouldn't stop_. She would cry herself sick with colic and cry herself to sleep, and then wake herself up because she was crying in her sleep. It drove Ronald absolutely spare. I've tried every potion, every parenting method, I put a mirror in her cot and _nothing_. I've just been so... so _tired_. If it wasn't for Sascha watching her on a night, I don't know how I would've coped or even slept at all."

He looked at her then, _truly_ looked at her. Her skin was slightly pale as though she barely ventured out into the sun anymore, as attested to by the overgrown state of the once loved front garden. Her clothes hung a little loosely on her frame as though she had lost a lot of weight entirely too quickly. Her eyes looked tired too, and he imagined she was using some kind of notice me not glamour on her face, as even someone as perceptive as he, hadn't even realised it until he looked closely upon her just now.

The babies arms moved a little and Rose grasped the boy's hand tightly in hers, and Severus having just learned of her parentage, tried and failed at hiding his flinch.

"She's not wolf" Hermione said, without looking at him, instantly understanding his reactions and he began to apologise, mortified that she had noticed his indiscretion.

"Don't." She turned to face him with a sad smile and a gentling hand on his arm. "It's only natural Severus, anyone would worry , let alone someone with a less than stellar history when it comes to werewolves like you, especially Rose's father. But for what it's worth, she's not wolf. I had her tested as soon as I realised that she wasn't Ron's. She's _not_ wolf and she's _not_ contagious. She will have some traits I'd wager, Like Bill and Teddy do I would imagine, but right now the only thing that is apparent is that she has a _violent_ intolerance to silver and monkshood, which makes life with a colicky baby..._hard_ to say the least."

He winced at her words, monkshood otherwise known as wolfsbane was used in a very wide array of potions but_ silver._..he hadn't thought. Silver was used in some form or other in **all** medicinal potions. When it wasn't included outright in the brew as powdered medicinal silver, one would use silver stirring rods or silver cauldrons. Finding a medicinal potion that wasn't somehow touched or tainted by silver in its process would be impossible, for the use of silver was a quick way of reducing brewing time and costly and intricate ingredients. Why would anyone brew a potion that took twice as long, with costly ingredients that took twice as much preparation work, when it was cheaper, easier and quicker with the addition of silver? Most standard healing potions could be brewed in a couple of hours, by someone with moderate skill but to remove silver from the process entirely...it would take it up to 6 hours or more of intricate work depending on the brew. It was challenging, but do-able for a potion's master, if only he had access to a lab and ingredients...

"Come on, I'll show you to the guest room" His musings were interrupted as she led him down the hall to the room that was opposite the master bedroom as she pointed out. "This is me, and this is you"

When she opened the door, the bedroom beyond was of average size for a second room, with a small double bed, bookshelf, desk and wardrobe. Furnished in plain and simple colours, it was nothing fancy, and had no personal touches, obviously always intended to act as a guest room.

"I'm sorry, It's not much but it has it's own en-suite toilet, you'll have to use the main bathroom though if you want to take a sh-bath"

It was almost twice the size of his bedsit. With no drafts, leaks or cockroaches.

"Thank You" He said sincerely, and he did his best not to let the emotion cloud his voice. In the past 24 hours it felt as though all the barriers and walls he'd erected around himself had crumbled to dust, and he felt the mortifying burning in his eyes that signalled he was close to tears once more.

"I'll leave you to it" She half whispered and then to his surprise, caught him in an unexpected hug. "Take care Severus, you've had an exhausting day, get some sleep and I'll see you in the morning"

"Thank you" he whispered back into her voluminous hair, and felt her smile against his chest. Only then did he realise how_ tiny_ she was. this little warrior woman who was as strong as an amazon, held securely in his arms.

Only when he was safely ensconced in the room, wards erect and settled in the most comfortable bed he could ever recall sleeping in, did he allow himself to weep once more.

**oOo**

When he awoke in the morning, he felt rotten despite having what was arguably the most and_ best_ sleep he'd had in years. His face was sticky from crying and his throat was dry and raw, and his injured arm throbbed as he carefully moved into the nursery to check on his son.

Despite that though, when he first awoke he was so comfortable in the small yet plush bed that he thought he was back at Hogwarts, until true awakening brought forth the memories and realisation of the past day and he blearily dragged himself from bed with a pressing need to relieve his bladder, that was only trumped by an urgent pull that was the need to see his son.

He was mortified to find Hermione already there, nursing both of the babies once more, and sunlight streaming in through the windows. In his half awake state he hadn't realised that it was so late in the morning, he usually was awake before the dawn, teeth chattering from the cold. Plus, he would have been sure to banish all traces of his crying from his face, had he suspected that she might already be awake, instead he found himself stood quite vulnerable and wrong footed at the doorway, though she only offered him a soft smile. Who was he kidding? She'd been the one to return for him in the shrieking shack, half dead and covered in his own blood, piss and vomit...for Merlin's sake she'd been the one visiting him in Az_kaban_, where he was half naked and beaten wreck so she'd seen him looking far _far_ worse.

"How are you holding up? I'm sorry for not waking you, I knocked and peeked my head in when you didn't answer, but you looked so tired and after yesterday's events, you needed the sleep...I hope you don't mind?" She gestured to the boy in her arms, then for him to once more take the seat beside her and he waved her worry off.

"I took care of the morning nappy for you change though, I figured you wouldn't mind missing _that_" he snorted before smiling wryly  
"You figured right, though it is something that I shall no doubt have to get used to"

He settled into the seat beside her and ran his fingers softly over the boy's cheek, feeling the gentle sucking motions as he fed once more, and the boy kicked out happily at the feel of his touch, reaching a chubby fist to grab his hand again which made him smile, even as he flushed sightly, as his son's actions had basically clasped Severus's hand upon Hermione's breast, she didn't seem to mind though, giving the boy and indulgent smile.

"Is this alright?" She asked gently, gesturing to the nursing boy in her arms. "I didn't want to presume, but he was hungry and Rose settled better with him beside her, she's so fussy I..." He cut her off by brushing an errant curl behind her ear, which caused her to turn and look at him. "It is fine Hermione, more than fine. I am grateful, thank you. I bow to your superior knowledge in this, and all things relating to my son, so please do whatever you think best".

Having drank his fill, Hermione passed the boy over to him to be winded, while she continued feeding Rose and as she put herself partially to rights, he just managed to not give himself whiplash by averting his gaze once more as she tucked her breast away, though it did nothing to conceal the warmth that filled his cheeks, his sallow complexion doing nothing to hide the blush and Hermione chuckled in good humour.  
"Really Severus, stop worrying, I told you I don't mind, in fact I don't know whether to be amused or flattered, though I suppose I shall have to settle for a little of both"

He offered her a small smile back, "Thank You, I'm afraid I am not aware of the niceties for this situation and I unaccustomed to female company _at all_ as of late, the time spent with you and Rose has been the most I have spent with the fairer sex in over a year"

"It must be strange for you then, after Hogwarts? I mean with a few exceptions the majority of the staff were female"

He took a seat beside her once more, though this time cradling his young cooing son to his chest, still holding him as though he were made of fairy glass.

"Indeed. As all and sundry now know, my best friend growing up was Lily Evans and when I started on staff, the colleagues I were most acquainted with were all women"

"I don't mean to pry, blame the hormones it removes any filter I once had, but the way you speak, colleagues you were acquaintances with...did you have no friends on staff Severus?"

He was quiet for a moment, looking at his son and she spoke up gently. "I'm sorry you don't have to answer that".

"No, it is fine. Over the years there have been few who I would consider truly a friend. Both Minerva and Poppy were friendly towards me, but were more maternal figures than anything, I was always distanced from the other staff, I was so much younger than everyone else when I was brought on staff by Albus and with the question of my allegiances hanging over my head at the time, the staff maintained their distance and as did I. We respected each other, we were civil, but nothing more than that. I can count on my hand how many people I would truly call a friend in my liftetime."

And then he did.

"Lily Evans, Regulus Black, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy and Rolando Hooch"

She was quiet for a moment before her words came through barely above a whisper. "Severus...are all your friends dead?"

He didn't answer, simply shrugged and still wouldn't look at her. So she added in a moment later.

"Except for me?"

Turning he eyed her and she smiled back at him. "I consider it a privilege to be the single person of import in your life Severus, the fact that of everyone in the world, you chose to come to me yesterday... it means a lot to me. I hope you would consider me your friend? Because I certainly consider you mine"

He exhaled a shaky breath before quietly confirming. "I have long considered you as such in my head, though would not speak it aloud, I had not dared to think you would consider me as your equal".

She said nothing to that, but leaned her head against his shoulder and put her hand around his waist, the closest she could offer him to a hug whilst still nursing a fussing Rose. Severus put his arm around her shoulder in responce, returning the embrace the best he could with his son cradled in the other arm.

"Harry owled, he dealt with Alice's body, and he's going to make sure that your new status is kept tightly under wraps, the prophet and skeeter won't get anywhere near it, I promise".

"Thank You" He murmured into her hair and she smiled against his chest.

"There's one thing left though..."

She turned her head up to meet his onyx gaze and smiled gently at him.

"We can't keep calling him little man, Severus you need to name your son"


End file.
